Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Only Today

I had a post all ready to go about this weekend.  It was angsty, because well, it was a mess.  But G and I decided this weekend after a very long talk that our new mantra is Only Today.  As in, what if you have only today to make sure your spouse knows they are everything to you?  What would you say?  What would you do?  What would you let slide that normally would annoy you?  

Today I stayed up all night finishing the care packages I was sending out.  G is going to mail them this afternoon after class.  So I was up and decided, hey, the poor guy is asleep on the couch because he didn't want to go to bed without you, and so you need to get it together. So instead of watching The Biggest Loser (oh my god!) I put together a lunch for him, then cut a note and envelope out of brown paper, sealed it and left a message to not open until he was at work.  I then placed said envelope where he would see it above the alarm panel as he armed it on his way out.  After that I boiled water for tea, and made scrambled eggs, Heinz beans and toast for breakfast.  That left plenty of time to lie in bed and just relax with him before he had to go to work.  And he appreciated it, letting me know how nice it was, since usually I am still groggy (if not full on asleep) when he leaves in the a.m.   

The last 2 1/2 years of our marriage are in the past.  Done.  Over.  We cannot go back and fix them, and with so many wonderful things in the future, who the hell would want to waste the time?  There is no guarantee of tomorrow.  The way the pick-up drivers around here drive (we have gotten pushed into another lane more than once because they chose to pretend they couldn't see our black vehicle in broad daylight) one could slam into us and that would be it.  We only have today.  Moments to make count.  And yes it sounds cheesy like a damn Hallmark card and yet it's a cliche because it's true.  Because every day I deal with my own mortality and we both needed to see our marriage in that light.  

We've got huge plans for the next 5 years.  Plans that we made with the other in mind.  Plans that are dreams we are making reality.  But if those 5, 10, 16 years never come?  I want to make sure G knows that he means the world to me.  That I believe he can change because he wants to and that he is worth me changing.  We each are lucky we found someone who loves the best and worst of us.  And we need to say it.  Not tomorrow, not next week, today.

If you only had today, who would you let know you loved them?  That you appreciated having them in your life?  What the hell are you waiting for?