Mother's Day

This year Mother's Day was hard for me for personal reasons.  But yet, the person who made me a mother, my soul mate Nora, made the day joyful and I found myself breathing through the sucky thoughts.  And Garret made Trader Joe croissants and hot coffee and brought them to me in bed.  Not a bad day at all. 

A friend posted this poem-of-sorts on Facebook and I wanted to post it here.  I found it beautiful. 

"To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children -we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you."

This year I found myself fitting several of these categories.  Motherhood is not just for those of us with living children, or human children, but for the women who choose to nurture and love the world in a way that will be remembered.  

Happy Mother's Day!

29

 

Source: livecreatingyourself.com via Jenny on Pinterest

At midnight tonight I'll be turning 29.  A year away from 30 and I could not be more excited.  Some women dread 30, while I have been looking forward to it for years.  No joke.  So currently I'm drinking a dirty martini in prep for this new year to begin.

28 has been rough.  But I will say that it has been the year that I began to stop putting up with b.s., even from people I love, and taking better care of myself.  I've begun running again, eating more (because I wasn't meeting calorie qualifications whatsoever), and just learning to say no.  No I won't let someone treat me that way, no I don't need that snack, no I'm not okay, but I'm getting there. 

Because it's not just about physical health.  I'm choosing this 29th year to get good in all areas, including emotionally.  I grew up not feeling like I was able to really be sad, so my sadness transformed into frustration and anger that wasn't good for my health or marriage.  I've spent the last couple years slowly changing that.  It's allowed me to let go of a lot of anger, but the downside is that I've had to address the sadness underneath.  Luckily I have an amazing husband to aid with that, and an adorable Smooshy Smoosh (a.k.a. Eleanor) to brighten my day. 

So this year I'm getting all of my shit together (figuratively).  And with the way I've felt lately, and huge life changes ahead in this coming year (no, not another baby), I feel like I've had weight lifted off and this year is going to be amazing.  So many things in the work that life is brighter than ever! 

Flirting With Life

Heading for a relaxed brunch this past Saturday.

I've been reading a lot of my francophile books lately, including Jamie Cat Callan's Ooh La La! (Look for a review soon, with a giveaway once the book is out.)  It's a great kick in the pants when I feel like has gotten off course, to remind myself that I know who I am and need not apologize for it.

I've felt more vivacious lately.  Possibly the bubbly (you think?), but also just getting out and exploring.  Some days I'll walk 4-5 miles with Nora, just taking the world in.  Or sit at a cafe for 2 hours discussing the romance of old train stations and travel with some locals at a cafe.....all while Nora entertains herself or sleeps.  I spent a day in D.C. with a friend while G and Nora went to another museum, and we explored this amazing photo exhibit at The National Gallery of art called Faking It: Manipulated Photography Before Photoshop.  If you're in the area I highly recommend it.  And as I walked with my friend, discussing art and life, I realized what I had been missing lately.  I went home and instantly immersed myself in more reading, more cooking, more living. 

I'm flirting with life.  Letting my hair down and worrying less about how I am perceived.  Attempting to put myself together more with accessories, giving away pieces that no longer suit me.

Between nights out, bubbly, brunch and museums, I am loving this life.  And slowly, gracefully, I'm getting back to the me I found in England, healthy in mind and body....and with a much more fabulous outlook on life.

Baked Hake

Last night was one of our nights where Garret's class means an earlier dinner.  I knew we had a bag of potatoes, green beans and wild mushrooms in the freezer (from Trader Joe), so just wanted some salad fixings and a protein to go with.  We stopped at Whole Foods and I looked at the fish counter, and decided that I'd heard of hake, had never had it, so we'd do that for dinner (I mean, you really can't go wrong with fish in our house). 

Hake is in the same order as cod or haddock, so it's a basic fish that takes on flavor well (and isn't too "fishy").  I decided to bake ours using a buttered bread crumbs with parsley and lemon juice topping.  Simple, easy, and turned out delicious both last night and today for lunch. 

I use the buttered bread crumbs topping on a variety of things (including baked tomatoes and mac n cheese).  For this, you simply get some butter (I eyeball it based on how far it needs to spread), melt it, and then slowly add enough breadcrumbs to absorb the butter and be enough to be more about the breadcrumbs and not liquid.  Then I toss in some parsley (I've found that dried or fresh works, whatever you have) and maybe some pepper. 

I salted and peppered the fish and then spread the breadcrumb topping on it.  Then I popped it into an oven at 400°F for maybe 15 minutes.  It's thin and cooks quick, perfect for a quick meal. We cooked some of the potato dish, made up a salad and called the meal done. 

Our plate:

Nora's plate*:

If you've never tried hake, check out your local fish counter.  It was really good, and for under $10 we had 2 meals for our family of 3 (small portion sizes).  It's also great for bouillabaisse if you'd like to make that, or fish n chips!  

*Nora had recently been in a little bit of a "I don't want to eat anything you give me, at all" phase.  I realized it had to do with all the time at the hospital and her stress levels (she upped her nursing by a ton), so I just rode it out.  She's now back to eating practically anything that isn't nailed down.  That plate was emptied and she ended up eating more tomatoes.

Enjoyment

Source: google.com via Kate on Pinterest

Spring seems to be gently easing in and it's a beautiful thing.  Sharing the little things that have pepped me up lately.

10 minute baby is asleep in the stroller coffee date outside:

Daffodils:

Adventures in the park:

Coffee and croissant:

Easter egg cookie:

Celtic cross hidden amongst trees:

Summer hats:

And bunny snuggles:

How is your spring shaping up?  And little things that just make you smile?

Southern Style

Last night I conquered my fears and decided to make fried chicken.  The night before I put it in buttermilk to soak... no idea why, it's just recommended.  I think it tenderizes it.  And I decided why not go all in and use up the huge sweet potato we had and make sweet potato pie while I was at it...another first. 

Well, the sweet potato pie lived up to it's 5 stars on allrecipes, and was delicious.  Garret, a huge fan of the traditional pumpkin pie at holidays, kindly requested we start making this instead.  If you've never had it, and you can get your hand on some sweet potatoes (I know not all of my international readers can), then I suggest trying this for a sweet treat.  I followed the recipe exactly, with the exception of using 2/3 raw sugar (the non-white, white kind), and 1/3 dark brown sugar.  I think it was a good call, gave it a little more depth. 

The fried chicken recipe was The Pioneer Woman's recipe and I found it on another blog here.  I have the cookbook, but as I was keeping things pulled up on the iPad for cooking, I looked it up online instead of going upstairs to get the book.  The flavor was really, really good and even if I was vegetarian, I'd be looking for things to fry up coated in it.  We used peanut oil (for it's high smoke point) and that worked really well. 

I just added a plateful of my great-grandmother's buttermilk biscuits, some fresh tomatoes, and some sauteed chard for greens.  Eleanor is whoa into anything green, so she gobbled the greens up.  Add in some sweet tea and you have a scrumptious southern meal. 

And for your enjoyment...if you add in just a wee bit of sweet tea to a wee little one who is exhausted you get a hilarious little girl.  Hop on over to Facebook to check it out!

Here

I miscarried Monday and spent many hours this last week in and out of the hospital.  Nora wasn't allowed with me for much of it, so we've been dealing with anxiety from her about being away from me.  She's clingy, but I don't mind too much.  She spends a lot of time nursing and leaning up to smooch me (she's a lover for sure), and I am taking it all in.

When it happened it was more shocking than I expected, and I howled from a place deep inside that I hope most people never reach.  After, I scooped Nora up and cried.  I'm sad.  But I'm also finding true joy in the daily things.  I know it sounds like a line of bullshit (and boy am I good at bullshitting to make myself seem fine when need be), but I really do feel at peace about it.  It's sad, but it happened, and I can't dwell on it.

That being said, most people seem to want to know if we'll try again soon.  And it feels so invasive to be asked that.  The answer is that we don't know.  We're still coming to terms with fear and loss.  And it sometimes comes across like another pregnancy will fix everything.  I don't like sweeping things under a rug like that.

What I can say is that life is indeed far more beautiful than most of us take the time to notice.  We've done a picnic at the park, with Nora running off from us for 2 hours straight.  I've done endless amounts of coffee.  And tonight we went to a favorite French restaurant and just tried to relax (while dealing with said clingy toddler).  Spring seems in the air, I feel inspired about food again, and long walks have been healing.

Thank you all for your kind words.  I was trying so hard to present a "fine" front while feeling lost, and each word helped me deal with it a bit.  I cannot express how much it means to have this outlet and to have gotten to know some amazing people.  Thank you.