Working In The Kitchen

This last week I made:

* Baked oatmeal with blueberries, walnuts and bananas.  The next time I make this I'm omitting the chocolate...too sweet.  But I've frozen half of it to munch on for breakfasts.
* Two batches of pancakes. We froze them for quick breakfasts.
* A quiche lorraine with the addition of spinach.
* Yogurt spiced pound cake
* A roast, with paper thin crispy roasted potatoes, gravy, roasted carrots and salad galore (this is what we ate all weekend while exhausted).
* Sliced up french bread that I spread with a compound butter I made (butter, sea salt, herbes de provence), that I froze for a later meal.
* 5-6 quarts of beef stock, made from the beef bones I got as part of our cow. Took 10 hours, I thought I was losing my mind.
* Beef tallow (from the top of the stock once cooled) to use in baking.
* Homemade refried beans using lard from our pig that I used to make a dozen bean and cheese burritos to freeze for quick meals.
* Salsa, mostly to freeze to go with the burritos.

I did all of that while dealing with a 3 1/2 month old whose teething kept us up until 6:30 and 5 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday mornings.  It seems a bit insane, but it felt good to be that productive.  My biggest accomplishment was not in just making everything (and everything except the quiche and oatmeal was made from Friday-Sunday), but that I cleaned as I went, so Sunday morning with the stock cooling in containers, the dishes were done and I could go to bed without a disastrous kitchen. 

Now I'm off to finish making breakfast burritos.  I already cooked the sausage and sauteed the onion and red pepper, so now I just have to cook the eggs and spinach and roll them up to freeze.  I'm also planning to cook some taco meat this week to freeze, and maybe a meat loaf or two.  I feel like I'm nesting, but it's working out well!

I've got a quiche and a yogurt spiced pound cake in the oven.  I'm looking at making baked oatmeal tomorrow night for breakfast this weekend.  And I'm even attempting to make beans again. (Insane, I know!)

It's the new normal.  Nora sleeps all night, but she's been teething since 6 weeks and so my days can either be glorious and full of giggles or hell on earth, with her upset and unable to be consoled.  It helps that lately, any day that is sunny, we've been walking.  Walking the 10 blocks to coffee.  Walking 2 miles to meet a friend to chat for a bit.  Walking just to take in the sunshine and birds singing and all of that zippity doo dah stuff. 

And I think I can see God more lately.  In the way He's drawn us to Him through unexpected twists and turns of life.  Not just in the good, but in the bad and hitting my knees moments too.  And I can see how He's using the bad to bring about good.  The strained relationship that's causing me to appreciate another one more.  The hurt that's making me work harder to be a better me. 

I'm not superwoman.  I've tried and my cape got twisted and I fell.  My kitchen and living room are messy.  For once my bedroom seems to be the most organized room in the house (which is good because my new mattress will be delivered tomorrow and the furniture is ready to be delivered).  My dogs need baths and nail trimmings and probably therapy as I've been insisting they stay out of my kitchen lately and it seems to perplex them. 

Life is hard and wonderful and so worth the moments I'm in. 

Don't Cry Over Burnt Beans

There is an accompanying photo, but perhaps it's best that it's stuck on G's phone. 

Sunday night G and I read about a movie on a friend's status on facebook.  Checking out the trailer, we decided to go ahead and rent it.  It's a great film called Courageous, about men stepping up in their roles as fathers.  However, being the constant multitasker that I am, I had started cooking pinto beans to try and make homemade re-fried beans for burritos to freeze.

We were nearing the end of the movie, near midnight and G suddenly says, "What's that smell?"  I leap up, having completely forgotten about beans, and worry that the house is on fire.  It clearly smelled like smoke, and I freaked out.  Rushing downstairs behind G, I think, "Well, the fire extinguisher is under the sink."  Ha!  He looks, and instantly cracks up.  All the water was gone, and the beans had begun to burn and smoke themselves. 

I tried to convince him that I could save them, using their smoky taste to make baked beans but he clearly thought I was crazy.  It was humbling as someone who cooks so often to admit that I took too much on and burnt beans.  Of course it helped that I was laughing so hard I was nearly doubled over.  It pretty much sums up my life right now...too many pots on the burners!

I cannot thank you enough for your understanding and kind words yesterday.  From comments to e-mails, they all helped to reassure me that this time is normal and that I have some amazing readers. 

After some long consideration I have decided that I will continue to blog here, but that I won't be putting so much pressure on myself about content and frequency.  I'll write about this life, maybe less, maybe more.  I think I was trying to be the ideal me, which right now isn't happening. 

I want this blog to be extremely authentic.  I don't want people to drop in and think I live this life that is always rainbows and roses, because that is so untrue.  I am in the middle of shaping the life I want and it's messy and it's beautiful and it takes time and mistakes. 

Writing about life might mean more about diapers and baby things because that's what my life consists so much of now.  It might mean more about my faith as we're currently exploring stepping away from the Catholic church, and that is terrifying for someone like me who likes things to stay the same.  I want this blog to be able to help others, but I'm learning that the theme of the year is that I have to take care of me, and right now that means using writing as therapy.

Once again, thank you. 

Reflection

Can I be honest?  I'm not so sure this blog is working out for me anymore.  It's caused some personal strife, and it's weighed heavy on my heart.  I had a new design done and all that did was increase the pressure on me, which plainly stinks.

I started this blog years ago as a way to gather my thoughts for myself and to record my adventures as a newlywed living overseas.  And it was great.  It was my space to write, and it felt like a relief to have some place to record it all. 

And then I started feeling like I needed to focus more on things that represent my idea of this chic life.  When in reality it was a pain in the rear sometimes trying to think of what on earth to blog about.  I'm in a different season.  I'm a mess.  For instance today E cried anytime she wasn't either nursing or chewing/drooling on some body part of mine.  I wanted to scream.  I at one point called G because I was losing my mind (and the feeling in my left arm).  And just a few minutes ago I finally let it all out and had a good cry and told G that I was losing my mind and that I sucked at motherhood because I just wanted her to shut up and go to sleep.  He's a rockstar and currently dancing with her while playing what is probably questionable music...so glad she only gets beats and doesn't understand words yet.

So I'm stuck.  I'm not sure whether to wipe the slate clean with this blog and start over or simply begin another.  Writing is therapeutic so I don't want to give it up.  But I'm feeling more like writing about me, my extreme failures at homemaking (might as well let the cat out of that bag), my frustrations as a mother, etc.  I want this to be more authentic, more of what makes my life chic, even if it isn't ideal.  I may lose some readers, and that's okay.  I need to get back to writing for me, though I do hope it can bring some "I'm not the only one" feeling for others. 

Because I may be wiping away all the previous posts, if you have a favorite recipe or such, now might be the time to write it down.  (Or you can always e-mail me.)  It may be quiet here for a bit while I gather my thoughts (and my sanity).  Thanks for your understanding.

French Night Out

Last night on a whim, G and I decided to head out to a favorite French restaurant, Tersiguel's to use up a Living Social deal we had.  I booked a table using Open Table and in the special requests section I mentioned we had a 3 month old and that a table where we could get up to take her outside if she got fussy would be nice.  When we arrived, they had us in one of the smaller rooms (the restaurant is in an old, old house).  They made sure we were perfectly comfortable and let us know we were fine and to not worry about the baby being disruptive at all.

G bouncing Nora.

The night was great.  The chef had made up a special amuse bouche (translated to mouth amuser) of toast with a eggplant mixture that I actually liked (and sadly eggplant is the one veggie I normally am not so into).  We began with an amazing spread of hors d'oeuvres of calamari, mussels, clams and shrimp.  I ordered the frog legs and the tomato garlic mixture that was with them was heavenly.  G had a pot with a variety of ham and sausage and veggies with sauerkraut...a sort of stew that was incredibly tasty.

Grenouille!

All through this, Nora was pretty well behaved.  She's been very interested in our food lately, staring at it intently, watching us chew.  I've been holding up things for her to smell and she seems to definitely be our child, though she'll have to wait a few months to taste anything.  And the staff!  At one point the maitre d' came to tell us that the entire staff was in love with her, and that that was why they kept peeking in.  They were all incredibly friendly and did seem to want to come look at her and talk to her (complementing her leopard leggings at one point).  She did need to be held most of the time, but we worked it out.

We rounded out the night with coffee and their divine creme caramel.  Then the maitre d' brought us out some house made blueberry sorbet that he thought would be a perfect palette cleanser.  It was delicious as well.  We gathered our things up, Nora nearly asleep, the maitre d' helped us outside and told me that we had made his day.  I assured him that their excellent staff had made our night wonderful.

She couldn't quite make it through dessert.

It was nice to get out for a nice dinner in a place where they were more than accommodating, to sort of feel out how Nora would be.  It was different than it was when it was just us two, but we did still manage to discuss world events, political ideologies, the new church we're attending, etc.  At the end of the night the bill was more than we had planned on spending, but I assure you it was worth every penny.  In fact, I'd be bold and say the night was absolutely priceless.

With Gratitude

Eleanor is 3 months old today.  I'm amazed.  It's cliche, but some days it seems to be flying and I can't believe she's that old, and other days I can't believe she's only been here 3 months.  That being said, it's been an amazing 3 months!  And I have some gifts that I want to thank people for.  We feel incredibly blessed to have such amazing people in our lives, and I cannot thank them enough for these little bits of love sent Nora's way.

Before Nora arrived, Adrienne from Rich Life on a Budget sent these adorable socks our way!  The top of them have ribbon all ruffled up and I cannot wait until we have Nora in these!  Thank you Adrienne!

Fiona from How To Be Chic sent these awesome shoes by the New Zealand company Bobux.  They're still quite a bit big, but I love the star pattern (what with G talking about taking E out to teach her astronomy).  Thank you so much Fiona, we love them!

 My cousin Jennifer had a bunch of these bibs made for Nora.  I love them and they've already come in handy for her drooling all the time.  Thank you Jen!

This hat (along with 2 others) and the following blanket were made by my Aunt Karol.  I think they're beautiful, and the blanket is the current fave to snuggle her into the car seat with.  Thank you Aunt Karol for these thoughtful gifts!

To contrast how Nora looks in those photos, at about 6 weeks old (they were her 2 month old shots that we did a little late), here is how she looked just an hour ago:

That last one is because she's recently discovered this phenomenon called feet!

Thank you again to everyone, we feel very loved!

*EDIT*  I was going through photos today and realized that we have 2 outfits from my Aunt Denise that I totally forgot to post about on here (she's too little for them yet, so they completely didn't register when I was writing this post, sorry!).  The first one is size 3 months, so hopefully she'll be in it soon!

Walkabout

Crocus already in bloom, and a cute cement snail.

It has been beautiful weather lately, and in keeping with my losing weight in a normal, natural way I've been attempting to have us walk to more places.  Unfortunately the days are still shorter, but when we do catch it right (particularly on the weekends), it's been great to walk the 10 blocks up to a favorite cafe or to the farmer's market.

Nora heartily enjoys it, because she gets worn in the sleepy wrap.  It's cozy, and she gets to nap curled up against her daddy.  It's a win-win. 

Painted ladies!

Two of the large art museums here in Charm City are not very far from my home and I'm looking forward to taking walks there later this spring.  It's nice to get out and stroll again like I did in England.  Walking is great both for taking in fresh air, and for exercise, as it provides great low impact exercise.

Alert but calm.

I encourage you to get out today and see what you can explore just walking about your own area!