Friday, May 8, 2009

Becoming Who You Are Part 2

My first post ever was titles Becoming Who You Are, so I thought a continuation was in order.  I'm in a really good place in life right now, a bit stressed with all the changes and decisions that need to be made, but a really good place.  And something G and I were discussing just today is how it's never too late to become the person you want to be, the person you are.  

I've had some questions about weight loss, so I am going to address those now.  To be honest, I've kept something a bit more private, but it's time to let it all out, to no longer simply allude to it.  To begin, I am bulimic, have been since I was 13.  It's a tough thing to deal with, because it takes it's physical toll after all these years.  I get sick easily just because I seem to digest food more slowly and I have damaged the flap on my esophagus.  But I have been doing much better these past 2 years, and my body is slowly healing itself.  That being said, it's not something that will ever go away.  I will always have the urges to binge and purge, but I have been working on ignoring them, and also keeping my life stress free (because it's a control thing, not a food thing).  

However, I attribute a large amount of my weight loss to me simply dealing with my eating disorder.  We eat less greasy foods because they are too harsh on my stomach and I get ill very easily when I eat too much crap.  And while I'm bulimic, I absolutely hate getting sick and stomach cramps.  We also keep busy (active) because it keeps my mind off of things and helps me de-stress.  It's a personal hell for G when my life is over-stressed, because he knows I handle stress in unhealthy ways, and that there isn't anything he can do about it, other than be there.  

That being said, I really don't eat too healthily all the time.  For me, I've found it's all about balance.  This week, for instance we have been eating a lot of crap food (frozen and take away pizza, chocolate chip cookies, chips/fries, etc) but it's been hard of me, I feel more sluggish, so we just had the talk about needing to get more veggies and fish in.  And that's the way we roll.  If we eat fish and chips for lunch it means a light meal for dinner.  I try and never beat myself up when I eat 3 cookies (probably because ours are minutely small) because I know it just means I can't eat them later.  It's taken me years and years to get to this point, but since I've lost 15 lbs just since coming home from the cruise, without working out, I think I'll stick to this plan.

This week we began adding some workout time in.  G is gearing up for his physical in July, and I am needing to tone (mainly my ass, because if I don't it ends up flat).  But the other night when we went to the gym we did 5 minutes (14 flights) on the stairmaster, and 10 minutes on the treadmill (with G running most of it, and me running the last minute).  Fifteen minutes at the gym and we were done.  Simple as pie.  

I am always more than willing to help others out with weight loss, since it's been a struggle all my life (contrary to popular belief, not everyone with an eating disorder is skinny, in fact most are in the average to overweight range).  If you have any questions, please ask.  This is getting a bit long, so I am going to finish with a third part later.


  1. I admire your honesty. I know it is not easy to talk about 'B". I was actively Bulimic from 15-27 and I know how hard it is to recover from this.

    Congrats to you on your recovery adn your weight loss. Good for you for finding what works for you.

  2. I too admire your honesty for putting this out there. I was bulimic from 14-22. It is hard to deal with and for me was a control issue. I am happy you are dealing with this and working through it. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

  3. Yes, I'm sure it was hard to write those words and click the "post" button. Thanks for sharing and I agree that it is all about balance. I really do think its okay to not eat perfectly healthy all the time.

    Sending all my positive thoughts your way. You are a beautiful lady.

  4. Hang in there; you're doing great! Remember, we ALL want you around and healthy for a l-0-n-g time.

  5. I'm so glad your wrote that Kalee and I'm so glad to know you are powering through it. I've always wondered if you had it under control but never wanted to bring it up. I love you. Good job on losing weight.

  6. Wow! Good on you for owning how you feel and who you are. After all, we can't change who or what we are, only how we deal with it and respond to it.

    Whilst I have never been bulimic, I do understand and have lived though the issues of stress and using food as a way to try and have control (any control) when it gets too much.

    Good on you, for being brave and confident enough to put the words out there on the page and sort through the issues. I think it shows how strong you can be!

    Wishing you less stress in your life and hoping things get easier as time goes by.