Time Flies

We close on the house in 2 days (fingers crossed).  I'm anxious as all get out because it feels like there is still so much left to do!  Today I am just going to try and breathe and let G deal with everything, because if I try to help I might have a break down.  


It seems like just the other day we were getting into the US from England.  Wow.  It's been over 2 months now.  And there is good, and there is bad.  It's been an adjustment.  We took a leap of faith and jumped into the housing market, not blindly (we did do almost a year of research on buying a home, and eventually our particular possible markets), but kind of crazily.  We still feel a little overwhelmed, worried something is going to go wrong because holy crap we're still young, what on earth are we thinking?!?  And then I breathe and realize that this will work out.  We will be fine.  I just need to take a deep breath and trust, in me, in G, in this life.


And once we get moved into the house I'm going to be in my own personal bootcamp.  I'm going to be making our house a home, but also making me different.  I plan on starting the 30 Day Shred (let me know if you've tried it and what you've thought!).  I want to tone my arms up.  I will also be getting back into a stretching and warm up routine that will limber me back up.  I used to be crazy flexible just a few years ago, but stopped my stretching and can feel a difference.  And with the hardwood floors in our house I can also break out my old ballet shoes and get a cardio and stretching workout in when I feel the need to dance.  Which I am sure will be often, since I have never been one to turn down twirling around.....I've even done it in our tiny hotel room.  


I will also be getting my eating back on track.  Not that I've been eating crazy unhealthy, but damn are the portion sizes here overwhelming.  I've been grateful to small, local restaurants that serve normal portions.  But I will be stepping it up since it's soup season, and my pots and pans and all my knives and such will be here on Friday!!!  We will also be exploring what seafood is really available around here (other than the obvious crab).  


Change is in the air.  Our life here in the US is beginning (fact, G and I got married, honeymooned, he lived with me at my parents house for about a week and then moved to England without me for 2 months....so we've never technically lived together here in the US!).  Opportunities have been made to us, and we both feel like we're on the edge of a cliff just waiting to jump and fly.  But that also means it's time I took me seriously, time I gave myself a chance.


Because once I started losing the weight, it was weird.  People noticed, I felt subconscious since it was often brought up, and I almost wanted to crawl back into my overweight shell and hide.  It's comfortable there you know.  But then I thought, this is crazy!  If people are not okay with me losing weight, that's their own issues.  I cannot continue to let other people's issues affect me and my health.  I cannot stay overweight simply because it makes someone else feel more comfortable.  That doesn't work for me.


So here I am, changing before my own eyes.  It's a weird thing to look in the mirror and see a difference.  My boobs are smaller.  I mean, come on, they've never been affected no matter if my weight went up a lot or down a lot.  But now they are, and I really don't mind.  In fact if they want to slide down into the next size down I would be perfectly fine with that.  I don't notice the other changes as much until something stops fitting, or something that used to be tight is suddenly loose.  I've already spoken about not weighing myself.


I'm afraid.  I'm afraid of my past.  I'm afraid of what will happen as I go along, and of what will get said in the future.  But mostly I'm afraid of not trying.  Of my family history of heart disease causing me to have a heart attack at 40 (because let's face it, the eating disorder hasn't exactly been kind to my ticker).  I'm afraid of waking up one day and wondering why I wasn't brave enough for me, for my husband, for our future children.  


If anyone wants to join in to become healthier, in any way, whether it be weight loss, quitting smoking, working out, even needing to gain some weight and you want someone to cheer you on, let me know.  I've come to realize how important people being on your side is.  But mainly remember, you have to choose you, to be on your own side.  You are worth your future.  It's sounds crazy cheesy, but the reality is that life is too short to screw around with your health.