My Life Is Madness

So last night was Ash Wednesday.  Our priest gave a beautiful sermon about the prayers in our hearts.  That perhaps we're thinking "I'm tired" or "I'm mad because of this."  That those are prayers, and that God is listening.  And it hit home.  Because last night I was tired.  I was mad.  I was just utterly exhausted, and it just got worse as the evening progressed.


After mass G and I made our way to the diner (yes, it's a long drive from our church, but it's become our place).  We enjoyed dinner (an egg sandwich for G and a salad for moi.....with a big ol' piece of coconut cake and coffee!).  We were just sitting there drinking coffee and talking.  A couple walked in from the bar next door, and she was plastered.  I mean, literally fall over drunk.  In the end she threw up in their booth and then as they were trying to get her to leave things went really, really wrong.  She turned to pull herself up from the booth (they were behind us) and instead decided to grab handfuls of my hair with both hands!  She began screaming and yanking on my hair (my scalp hurt for hours afterwards), the women pulled her off of me, and thank goodness, because G had already jumped up and was going to smack her if she didn't let go.  I sat there for a few seconds, gathering my thoughts and then looked at G and said I need to go for a sec and walked off to the bathroom.  I was shaking so badly, not from fear but anger.  So I took myself away from the situation.  It's probably a good thing I didn't look at her when I walked back.....apparently she stuck her tongue out at G, and had I seen that I would have hit her.  


You see, I have a temper.  One that has flared up more lately.  It used to be I screamed, then I moved onto throwing things.  And I knew in that moment that if I allowed myself to hit her I would have landed her in the hospital.  Because it would have escalated, she was beyond trashed and petite, and I would have beat her senseless.  And while I seriously think she might need a beating (she was yelling things at me as she left, with her boyfriend continually apologizing) I don't want to kill someone.  And my rage would have come close.  My brother when I texted him said, "You didn't slap the bitch?  Epic fail."  But I made the decision to be lenient and let it go.  She was trashed, and I am going to assume this was not ordinary behavior for her.  It was shocking to me because I've always been the type who was cool and collected enough that people didn't screw with me.  I have a look I give and that tends to stop people in their track.  But I also know when someone is outta their mind drunk they sometimes don't even know why they did something.  And I am too pretty for prison.  


However, she's dating the bartenders nephew, so I might need to tell her that if I see the girl again and she makes any move towards me I will end her.  My patience is only good one time.