Monday, March 22, 2010

I Just Pulled The Last Post

And I'm censoring this blog.  

To the anonymous person who keeps leaving "helpful" comments, step off (if you need an explanation see my previous post where she decided to tell me I was "just wrong").  If you don't like me, my blog, or what I have to say, quit reading it.  This is my space to record the good and bad days in my life.  But right now, I feel broken, and I have a right to put that.  You don't know me, my husband or the frustrations we're both dealing with right now.  Hell, even when I do put things on this blog you've chosen to leave comments without reading the back story.  Good for you, you're obviously the type of person who doesn't have the nerve to leave anything about your own life (much less write about it), but feels you have a right to comment anonymously on others without even reading what they've written.  

Today was a bad day, actually it was a bad 30 minutes, the rest of the day had been quite lovely.  My husband called excited that he was getting off work earlier because his workout leader was on leave.  We had a bad half hour (it was probably less than 15 minutes), a glass got thrown, words got said, and we're both venting our frustrations by cleaning.  Do not pretend that because you read occasional posts (as evidenced by commenting on an earlier one after an update had been posted but very obviously not having read that one or ignoring it) that you know us.  

For the record, I love my husband fiercely.  I have since we were teenagers, and many of our problems stem from expectations we had for this marriage and ourselves that in a busy life we failed to meet.  We're working on that.  Not knowing your life and your failures I won't make comments on your life anonymous or otherwise.  I will say that my husband loathes commenters like yourself who he calls trash/junk/trolls.  You're unhelpful and incorrect in your assumptions.  Continuing on the record, my husband loves me.  A friend put it correctly this morning in that a problem of ours is that my husband "worships me" to the extent that he will not communicate when he feels there is a problem because he doesn't want to hurt me.  Our anger issues are a recent thing, born of a frustration that you cannot even begin to understand mainly because you are not me, or him, and you only know of what I choose to write on here.

I closed comments on the post I took down because quite frankly, I have a right to write something when I'm upset and not have to hear unhelpful comments.  Plenty of people have offered suggestions, gently and helpful criticized me and I've had no problem with it, but I expected you to want to comment.  And you did, simply on another post.  You are not welcome here, and quite frankly if you cannot help yourself, if this is some sort of compulsion, I have no problem helping you out.  I can simply do that by making this blog a place where I regulate every comment.  Problem fixed.   

Although you seem to be an individual who is projecting your issues onto others, I do hope you have a lovely day!


  1. HIGH FIVE BABE! I enjoy reading your posts! and you're right!! This is YOUR BLOG!!! DO U!!! Obviously the little troll was too damn weak to make themselves known when commenting on your post hince doing it annonymously (BITCH SHIT!) So KICK ROCKS!!!! Keep up the good work!

    PS... I took the annoymous option off my comments! They can't hide behind that on my spot!!! Maybe do the same


  2. I am sorry to read about your earlier frustrations and even more sorry to hear that someone has pushed you to this post. You do have a right to be angry. You have a right to post what you feel. And everyone who reads should realize that no one ever knows the full story of someone else's life. I don't blame you for turning on moderation. Hang in there.

  3. Thank you ladies, I was glad I said something. Normally I just ignore the trolls but this one was pissing me off!

  4. Good for you! After reading your latest blog post I think I am missing a bit of the story (Maybe I missed the post you deleted? I am annoyed that some other person has made me miss something you wrote!) but I have seen those comments you are referring too and I applaud your decision to take charge.

    Have you seen this in Wikipedia about the "Blogger's Code of Conduct?"'s_Code_of_Conduct

    It's funny - they call such people trolls too! But from what that says you are doing exactly the right thing. I think there is a "Commentor's Code of Conduct" too somewhere? But the best "comments rules" I have ever seen (in my admittedly limited experience) is from

    where she says:
    "Comment Rules: Imagine this is a dinner party. Differences of opinion are welcome but keep it respectful or the host will show you the door. If you're rude or abusive, your comment will be deleted (so will comments responding to other rude comments because they won’t make sense - so save your breath). And if you’re offensive, you’ll be banned. Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That's how we're going to be - cool. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation..."

    Take care,

    PS does this mean I can't leave my technically anonymous (but signed!) comments now??

  5. Hi Kalee,

    I'm sorry to see that you have been having these problems with comments. You are so very open on your blog but that is no excuse for such behaviour. I must admit that sometimes it's uncomfortable to read about what you and Gareth are going through, but at the same time I admire your commitment to working through your problems. I think that when you write a blog for a while and engage your readers, they start to care about you; I'm sure that this is the case for the vast majority of your regular readers. Take care.

  6. Anyone that flames someone's post and doesn't identify themselves hass no honor, screw 'em. Might I suggest a little Moody Blues to calm the nerves?

  7. Kalee,

    I also keep my comments "closed" until I approve them as I get trolls telling me how I'm living a life that is "wrong". Sometimes it feels so good just to hit that delete button!

    On another note...have you read the book "The Art of Being a Woman" by Veronique Vienne? I read it this weekend and when reading the part about women and men couldn't hep but think of you. She talks about men making a promises or saying they'll do something and then not following through because they are afraid they'll do it wrong and only hurt the woman they love. It sounds like the friend you mentioned was trying to say the same thing?

    I see a lot of love and respect between you and G and at times a closeness that I would love to have in my own life with a man. Based on your posts my impression is that the big issue here is that you both have yet to figure out a way communicate your disappointments and frustrations in a way that is constructive rather than hurtful. I think that, if together, the two of you can do that you will come out of this with an unbreakable bond.

  8. Death to rude commenters!! I have my blog set up so that I have to approve any new blogger that doesn't post regularly. Sometimes I get people telling me that I'm living my life "wrong" as well...crazy nuts!

    Honestly I see a lot of very good things between you and G...there is obviously love there!! My impression is that the biggest issue is that the two of you have yet to learn how to communicate your frustrations and disappointments in a way that is constructive rather than hurtful. I think that, if together, the two of you can learn to do this you will come out of this with an unbreakable bond.

    Also, have you read the book "The Art of Being a Woman" by Veronique Vienne? I think you would like the chapter on men...not necessarily because it offers a solution but I just think, based on my understanding of what you are going through it might resonate with you. She talks about men not keeping promises or communicating well because they are afraid that they will screw up and cause more pain. Sounds like what you friend was also saying. The rest of the book is good too!

  9. Lydia, I adore you! Cannot wait to sit and chat sometime soon!

    J, nope I didn't close it to anonymous commenters, I simply have to get an e-mail, go in and approve every comment. Still working on what will work best and easiest for everyone.

    Patricia, It was a huge decision for G and I to have it put on here, but he really wanted a place for honesty and accountability. I'm thinking now we probably should have simply started another blog, but since it's a part of my life, it's easiest to include it here. I do love my regular readers, even their constructive criticism.

    Uncle Jeff, I have no idea what Moody Blues are, unless you are simply referring to blues music that is moody. In which case, yes, excellent suggestion.

    Eurochic, I think that book sounds delightful (I looked it up---I've not read it yet). Our biggest issue really is communication, which I think is most frustrating because we've been close for so long, but switching to a romantic relationship changed things in ways I don't think we expected. I'm hoping to get through this with us stronger than before!

  10. I am so very sorry you have had to deal with all this. I have had similar experiences and they made me consider shutting down my blog. In retrospect I am glad I didn't----but I have been tempted.
    Huge hugs to lovely you. I am so happy to be back. I have missed you!

  11. find a copy of Days of Future Passed.

    It's "old people" music, not that I'm old mind you ;)