Flourishing Faith

This weekend was amazing.  We got so little done, so few things checked off a list.  But what we did get done was lots of snuggling time.  Lots of talking.  Lots of intimate moments, like a kiss on the back of my neck while cooking.

I cannot change the husband I have.  He is who he chooses to be, and while he's working on change I'm working on patience.  We both hear God asking more of us, and we're both reaching to achieve this.  But I cannot change him any more than he can change my impatient ways.  So we pray a lot.

We could pray so much more.  It's something we talked about last night.

I have tried so hard to go in both directions.  To lead and allow him to lead.  It's hard for me to be more submissive.  But I've been trying.  Encouraging him to make more decisions.  Encouraging him to make plans. 

And the thing I have found is that my faith is flourishing even in the dark moments.  Whereas before I would simply rejoice in the good moments and curse in the bad, I have found myself mentally hitting my knees a lot more in the bad times.  I have clung to our faith because it is the one certainty in our life.  I had a good cry this morning thinking about G leaving for 6 months next year.  And instead of just saying I feel selfish and weak since I know many others do without their spouses for longer, I made myself face that.  And I prayed for strength. 

I have walked a line, trying to not talk about my faith, trying to not not talk about it.  Because while it's a huge part of our day to day life I feel it's extremely personal to me.   It's also a personal choice for others, and I don't push my views.  But today I felt like singing aloud how nice it's been lately.  How at peace I've felt.