Saturday, November 6, 2010

4 a.m.

I'm a late night owl lately, eh?  The reality is time has been good to me.  I came home from the conference refreshed, ready to give it the old college try and be a better wife.  I won't say there haven't been arguments, we're still working out the kinks.  But the one thing that hit me at the conference even more than the infertility issues, and continues to hit me anytime I falter is how blessed I am to have G.  How much this man is trying to step outside his comfort zone and just love me in ways he didn't know how.  And in return I'm letting go, I'm falling in love with him all over again.  His stupid exaggerated stories that I know he'll some day tell our children as if he really did get lost in the woods and nearly starve to death before coming across civilization.  The way he bats his eyelashes at me and gives me the puppy look.  The way he's becoming a man and becoming comfortable in his own skin.  

I stopped expecting flowers, because the boy is a mess sometimes and will second guess himself into insanity.  Instead we went to the florist and I picked out 15 burgundy carnations that are gorgeous and make me happy and I don't care that he didn't pick them up for me.  I'm meeting him halfway, accepting there are simply some things he might not ever get good at (but I'm keeping my fingers crossed as his confidence grows).  

It's 4:40 and I am just filled with love.  We've spent the last 2 weeks learning to just express our love better.  More make-out sessions in the kitchen, more late night talks in the dark, more of what we had once so long ago neither of us can remember without it being hazy.  And he's asleep and I get to curl up around him and hold him like he always holds me and listen to him breathing.  Like he breathes the life into me.  And it's beautiful and it's scary because what on earth am I gonna do for 6 months by myself?  Start talking to the puppies?  

Okay, I do that already.

But whatever, cause time is good, and he's here and I'm here and we're following my mantra of "I only have today" (G's been repeating it like Rain Man).  My cup may be cracked and has been reglued a time or two, but believe me when I say it runneth over. 

1 comment:

  1. SO happy to hear this. Glad you are loving and being loved! :)