Sunday, February 27, 2011

12 Hours From This Very Minute

It's 9:50 a.m.  G's plane leaves in exactly 12 hours.  And I hurt from doing so much yesterday and all I can think of doing is curling up and sleeping because that's the way I roll when I'm sad.  The bookcases still have to be built, G is scraping citristrip off my desk for the second time, and I just want to curl up and cry.  But I've done that already.  Twice.

I don't want pity.  I knew what I was signing up for when I agreed this deployment was a smart idea.  It was our decision, it wasn't made for us, which G liked.  The money from re-enlisting is helping pay off a very substantial chunk of debt (all we have is the three big ones: student loans, car, mortgage).  And I am looking forward to the chance of more free time to work on me.

But still, by the time I actually post this (I'm having it automatically post late tonight), after I've put him on a plane and driven home alone I know I'm going to be broken.  I keep repeating mantras in my head.  "Tomorrow I can fall apart."  "Tuesday I have to move the car for street cleaning."  Just one foot in front of the other.  I have been acting nonchalant, like this deployment was no big deal.  But I am terrified of being so alone for 6 months.

Luckily, in an effort to spend bunches of time just curled up together there is still plenty left for me to do while he's gone.  Namely go through about 30 boxes, sort, organize and get our house in the sort of OCD order I prefer.  I'll be documenting all my adventures here to help keep me sane.  I have a massage scheduled for a week from today that I am aiming to have earned through muscle soreness!

So if you pray, please pray for us.  It's going to be a rough bit and we could use all the happy thoughts we can get.


  1. My thoughts, my heart and all my best wishes are with you both. I am so glad you have that massage scheduled, projects to keep you busy and your friends here who are here to listen. Please give G our very best wishes.

  2. Happy, happy thoughts to you - it's a tough time to be sure, but you seem to have built the beginnings of a very nice life in your city and hopefully your new friends will also help to keep you busy. All the best to you and G.

  3. I'm thinking of you, Kalee!
    Hang in there, and be sad if you want to. Just remember to find a few small joys to get you through the next few days. Book time with people. Bundle up and take your dogs on a loooooong walk. Write. Read. Pray.
    Hugs! xxx

  4. I will definitely be praying for the both of you. And I'm here if you need to talk.

  5. Good luck with everything! You're in my thoughts!

  6. I have been catching up on your posts. This one made me cry a little. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Bess

  7. Kalee, you're going to be just fine. You join millions of women who, for literally thousands of years, have seen their courageous husbands off to war. Those women got through it, and so will you, dear. So will you. You are stronger beyond imagination.

    I hope all goes well for your man while he's in Afghanistan.


  8. I have been and will be thinking of you. I knew it was coming soon but I didn't realize it was this close! Emotion is not weakness and to fall apart will probably be part of the adjustment. I hope things start to even out for you and you feel comfortable in this 'new' normal you will have for awhile soon. Prayers for you and G as well.