Fate

I may be going by myself to see a film this week.  I've watched previews about The Adjustment Bureau with Matt Damon and Emily Blunt.  The film looks interesting, and poses questions about how much control you have over your own life.  Damon's character is a politician running for senate who happens into meeting Blunt's character on the night he loses a big election.  That was supposed to be their only time together, and yet they run into each other later, and then again, and again causing a ruckus for the adjustment bureau.

I fully believe in free will, the ability to choose your own fate.  But I also believe that some things were pre-destined.  Those two are not opposites.  In my opinion, something can be pre-destined and you can walk away from it over and over again....that's the free will part.

In the film Damon's character asks, "Why won't they let me be with Elise?" And one of the adjustment bureau men says, "Because she's enough.  If you have her you won't need to fill that void inside of you with applause and votes."

The reason it causes me to pause is that G and I have always felt like we were thrown together time and again for a reason.  I grew up in Kansas City, and there is a park I played at often.  G's mother also took him there to play, though they lived a half hour away.  We're both positive that at some point we would have had to have been there at the same time.  And then in 8th grade G fell in love with me as I walked into the history class for the first time....I don't remember him.  In 9th grade he was in my English class...but he doesn't remember me.  We got thrown together for prom.  We became best friends.  We slowly lost touch.  We found each other again.

I told him today that I wonder if I had been stubborn and refused to change my opinion about dating him if we would have ended up married to others only to have them fall apart and get thrown back together again.  He said he knew exactly what I meant.  Together we are the best version of ourselves.  I have never been a better me than with him, and he feels the same.  We each believe in the other, push the other to go past where we're comfortable and safe into a place where we can do better.  So is it fate?  Free will?  Happenstance?

We have a belief in this house that we've loved each other long before we knew each other, that it took finding one another to become the people we are meant to become.  And I can tell you that had some bureau tried to get in our way rather than helping, I would have fought them with every cell of my being.  I choose him over anyone.  Every time.