Monday, June 6, 2011

By Any Other Name

I have been debating something quite big for the last year or two.  First, I kept it quiet, and then eventually spoke to G about it.  With his full support, I decided to mull it over.  I felt there were other things of more importance at the time.  However, with our first child coming in November, along with the legal paperwork that entails, I've had to think long and hard about a choice that needs to be made.

I have never liked my name.  As in, even in middle school, I can distinctly remember when we moved and I had to introduce myself and someone might comment that they liked my name....my response was always, "I hate it."  But I suppose I assumed it was what I was stuck with.  It felt unnatural to me, far too cute and modern, but it was what it was.

Except as I've come into my own, my hate for it has grown exponentially.  I don't like the sound of it, and even seeing it in an e-mail annoys me.  It feels so off from my personality that it's as if I was given the wrong identity.  Still, I've had so many fears about what people would think if I were to legally change it that it sort of paralyzed me.

But things have changed with the expectation of a child.  The names that G and I are discussing are all older names that have stood the test of time, and have to meet criteria: the name has to be able to have at least one nickname/shortened version and we have to like all possible ones of those.  In realizing that we're trying so hard to make sure that the name will be one we like, while also giving them a choice, it hit home that I need to do the same for myself.

I have always liked older names.  G will tell you this is because I'm an old soul.  And I really like the name Katherine, shortened to Kate (and Katie, for my niece who already knows how to say Kalee).  G actually thinks it suits me perfectly.  And other friends I have spoken to have mentioned they can totally see me as a Kate.  Most of all, it feels right to me.

I understand that some people will think I'm being dramatic.  And that others may have a hard time with the change.  But what it comes down to is that I have to live with my name.  I have spent years telling myself that I'll eventually grow to at least be ambivalent.  But I've realized that after 27 years, with the annoyance I feel only growing, that perhaps it's time to change it.  I'm working on putting my happiness a little higher on the list, and this will be a huge burden lifted.  We're looking into how to file the paperwork to change it, but I'm going to be going by Kate from now on (G's been calling me Kate off and on for about a year, and consistently for the last few weeks).  It's a decision that I'm extremely happy with, and should be legal by the end of summer. 

13 comments:

  1. Who cares what other people think. It's your life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. First, I really like the name Kalee because it's a bit more unusual than all the Katherines and Kates already out there. And I find it very feminine as well. Just my opinion though :)

    I hate my name too, but haven't never thought of changing it. I suppose I wouldn't want to go through all the paperwork hassle of changing my passport, health card, driver's license etc. and also I think my parents would feel offended. I mean, it was their decision to name me what they did, so I'm just going to suck it up and keep it! But I live in France now too, and "Crystal" said with a French accent is a lot nicer sounding that with an American/Canadian one!

    Do what feels right for you and don't let anyone else influence your decision. It's YOUR name after all :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nothing that causes you such discomfort, pain or sadness shoud be viewed as a trifle or irrelevant.
    I personally like the name Kalee, but I think if Kate feels good to you, definitely go with Kate. I think it goes with your face.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks ladies. The thing I think I should probably make clear is that I don't hate the name itself. When I see others with it, I don't have much feelings about it really. In fact, while trying to decide how to change my twitter handle I came across others spelled the same way and I didn't hate it for them, I just felt very disconnected from it. It's always felt awkward to me, like a shoe that was too pointy in the toes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I admire that you are strong enough to make the changes you feel necessary to make yourself happy in your life.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is an interesting subject. My older son now introduces himself by the formal version of his name - we and his longtime friends have always called him by the shortened version. Just to say - don't be offended if those who have known and loved you all your life continue to call you Kalee! They won't mean to disrespect you, but it's very hard to change! I know that I will probably never call my son by the formal version of his name and I see that his old friends haven't changed either. However, he is trying to portray himself in a certain way (he is 17 now), so I have started to introduce him as such in formal situations.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I LOVE the name Kate and honestly think it suits you absolutely perfectly. This is quite exciting!

    Steph

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good for you! It's your life and your name. I say do it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Good for you. "Kalee" doesn't sound like a real name to my ears, and I can understand your disconnect with it. But what do I know? My name is barely a name--it's an Irish county filled with cute blue dogs and endangered cows! And unisex! Oh, the 70's, how you are missed.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think Kalee is a terrible name, and doesn't command the respect and dignity you so clearly deserve. Kate is beautiful and suits you. Go for it and enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
  11. AHA - this is why you responded to my Monday post as Kate. I like it!

    Something as intimate and revealing as your name isn't a notion that I consider trifling. I prefer the general public to call me by my formal name, and I reserve shortened versions only for very close, old friends or for family members. Being able to "control" how I want the world to address me is not being dramatic, it is advocating respect for myself.

    After all, we teach others how we want them to treat us.

    Welcome to the world, Kate.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I would never have thought of changing my name but if I felt as strongly as you do about then why not? If something does not fit or feel right in our lives we often change it. We want to feel comfortable in our homes, we should feel comfortable in our names and identities too. Good for you Kate. :) and I must say I read what you picked and my first thought was - yes, that fits! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I respect your decision to change your name utterly. A name is such a personal thing. I have always liked my name so feel very lucky. A girl I grew up with was given the name Jodie. At 15 she changed it formally to Wednesday. People laughed, but it suited her down to the ground. You could see her as a Wednesday.

    It is funny, I have read your blog for months and months, but I have always thought of you as a Kate/Katie in my head. I was googling your blog earlier and actually originally typed in 'Katie Une Vie Chic'.

    ReplyDelete