Capital H Happy

 *Warning: Lots of Nora pics, the cuteness might be overwhelming!*

 

I feel like me again.  We're home now, and it looks like for good.  She's back to being our turkey rather than a sweet potato.  I'm exhausted, and actually had to face it last night that I've pushed myself nearly to the point of being hospitalized myself, so I gladly let G take the duty of getting her to sleep this morning.  If she's not passed out completely she will not sleep in her newborn napper, and I needed to sleep without holding her for a bit.  Today we slept until 8:30, and then I've taken 2 small naps since, and it's only 1:30!

We sat outside and had coffee yesterday afternoon.  She was all bundled up in her car seat, with a thing over it keeping her warm and cozy.  So we sat and had a normal moment.  I've been lucky, and while my jeans from before don't quite fit with me being still soft, all my tops do, and in fact better than before.  My coat I could finally button up again easily, and I was wearing my leopard kitten heels (which I also was wearing 2 days before having her when we went out for a nice lunch).  I just felt like myself again.  I loved being pregnant.  But I also love knowing I can reach for something and won't knock something else off with my belly! 

I need to feel like myself, to still pay attention to how I present myself to the world.  I want her to know she can be more than one thing.  She can be mother, wife, and also woman.  That hats are fashionable and it's okay to wear many.

I'm not supposed to diet is what the midwife told me.  I just laughed and explained that I love food and it's the holiday season...diet is a dirty word all the time, but most especially now.  She laughed and agreed.  I look forward to working out, to toning up this body that is so strange to me (I'm noticeably thinner now than I was before, even if the jeans are not fitting).  To seeing how this new waist accentuates the hourglass even more.  And my arms should tone up in no time thanks to our chunky monkey! But I can't diet when my intake impacts her (and impacts my ability to eat delicious treats).

It's a weird place, to have been so happy you felt you'd reached the top only to discover a secret new level.  I am Happy.  I have spent the past few days looking introspectively at things, realizing mistakes I had made attempting to get here, and also seeing past hurts in new ways.  It's been wonderful.  I feel like this is both a continuation of who I am and a new start.

I'd ramble more but I have chicken noodle soup to cook and banana bread to make and a tiny face to kiss.  Suffice to say, this is a delightful holiday season.

*Wrote this yesterday afternoon, ended back up in the ER for ridiculous reasons (even the ER docs weren't sure why the pediatrician had us sent in for such a small thing), so have not yet made soup or banana bread...we're determined to get to it today.