Reasoning

It's nearly 6 a.m. and I've yet to sleep, it just wouldn't come.  I got in plenty of snuggles with Eleanor though.  And at 3 a.m. after I changed another diaper she looked up and just was so damn happy, all smiles, and I felt grateful for that moment.  I gathered her up on my chest and told her I loved her and whispered promises of the future.

My daughter.  This little person I spend my days with, usually bleary eyed (one or both of us...she likes to sleep and does not like to be awakened, thankyouverymuch) who I feel overwhelmed by.  Overwhelmed with exhaustion when she's needing to be walked.  Overwhelmed with responsibility, thinking, "Who on earth gave this little one to me?" and then reminding myself it wasn't anyone on earth.  And overwhelmed with a love so much a part of my core I feel like a volcano erupting every time I look at her.  She's one of the reasons for my goals this year.  To become a person I love being in order to be a good mama, in order to show her how I feel life should be lived.  A life of passion. 

So I'll attempt to get some sleep.  And tonight I'm headed to hear a lecture by Jamie Cat Callan (author of Bonjour Happiness).  It comes at such an awesome time, and G and Nora are tagging along.  It was something I found out about this morning, so plans are being re-arranged so that the quiche I planned for dinner will be made before we leave.  I'm being intentional about seeking out things in life that add something good, and learning to walk away from anything that just brings negativity.  It takes planning and it takes courage to see yourself through the not so easy moments.  One day at a time though.  And really, in the end, it's worth it.