I have found it difficult these last 5 years to make many lasting friendships. I have friends I've made at our different location, but making close friends, with people I felt I could just be me and not worry about having bad days, well, those were more difficult. I have one really good close friend...who moved over an hour away this summer.
And the thing was, I was embarrassed. I mean, how hard is it to make friends? For reals. But in talking with other women, I realized it's this big secret that we don't talk about. That more women than not were really struggling with this. It seems that it really was easier when we were younger. That life takes it's toll and it's hard to find the time and energy to connect with other women (and men) in a way that we found so easy as young adults.
And I craved that community. But every time I tried to find the right niche, it seemed off at best, and judgmental at worst. It left me feeling as if I was less than, and that's fucking ridiculous (pardon my french).
Recently, however, I started attending a local moms group and while I was insecure and nervous at first, I found myself slowly thinking that I didn't really give a damn to be anyone but me. These are women who we share common parenting ideas, but outside that, we're so vastly different. We come from different places, but we all share that belief in acceptance. I now am busy most days, either with things Nora and I do on our own (lots of park time...that girl loves to swing high!) or out with friends. And while our kids are there (and even usually at some event that is made for them), we're all coming together to really fill the need for adult time.
I'm beginning to create a community. It's slow going, and I'm cautious, but also just grateful. Because some days I just want to cry because this parenting thing is hard. Because I need people who understand that coffee is great, but a cocktail can be better. Because I've found women who don't expect that I'm just like them, but rather we accept that our differences add dimension and flavor to our own story.
I agree. Finding new friends is difficult, especially being a new parent. What I found though is the very fact that you're all new parents can be very bonding don't you think? When I had my daughter I met several new moms at the park/play groups but we never became close. Then when my daughter started elementary school I finally met a couple friends that I really trust and have fun with. These 2 or 3 friends are all I want even if we can't get together as often as we like. When we do though it feels great... we vent, we have coffee/drinks, we dance and act goofy. Give it time, you will find a friend or 2 (or 3...) too. It's worth the wait, and remember it's the quality of the friendship, not quantity (french style of course!)
ReplyDeleteI think this is hard too as an adult. It comes naturally when we are younger and in school. I tried really hard when I was newly married with "couples friends", meaning hanging out with the wives of the couples we hung out with, but it was never a really good match. Since then I'm selective and choosy about friends. It's still hard though.
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