Thursday, January 10, 2013


My first year as a mother was wrought with second guessing myself as a person vs myself as a mother.  I tried really hard to throw myself into the whole mothering thing, but felt lost in the identity as "Nora's mama."  I didn't always take care of myself.  I'd skip meals without realizing, having focused so much on getting her fed.  I lost sleep and, while totally normal, it began to take a toll on me. And I tried so hard to be selfless and think about myself less that I sort of swung too hard that way.

I'd buy her clothes, but wouldn't buy myself any.  I made sure she was getting the stimulation she needed (books, colorful toys, etc), but too often zoned out in front of reality t.v. rather than take the time to read a book I wanted to get to.  Basically, I lost sight of who I was in an attempt to be a good mama.  I never became that overly involved, obsessive mama, but I let who I was slip away too much.

In thinking about it, I realized that if I continued, I would not only be unhappy, but would be doing a disservice to Nora.  I don't want her growing up thinking I'm just there to be her mama.  I feel very strongly that she needs to see that I have interests of my own, that I take care of myself, and that I am a woman before I am her mother.  Some would disagree, but it's my stance and I'm sticking to it.

So this year a lot of my resolutions/goals have to do with me.  Not crafting.  Not cooking (though health goals always have something to do with cooking).  They have to do with me finally slimming back down.  Me taking fun classes I want to take.  Me taking the time to read more.  Me saying no to some situations that aren't healthy.  And basically just to live better.

It feels selfish.  Self-centered.  And I'm okay with that.  I still am Mama 90% of the time because she's little and needs me.  But I don't want to lose sight of who I am just because this period has me having to balance my roles more carefully.  The best way she'll learn to live well is by watching me do it. 


  1. I don't see how you wanting to be your best you would be at all selfish or self-centred! I think a lot more people would be happier (and subsequently better parents) if they thought like you did.

    Parenting can be a wonderful part of your life, but it shouldn't be your whole life. Many moms struggle to find the balance between being someone's mommy and being herself. I think you figure it out as you go, and you seem to be in the right mindset, IMO.

    I've been called selfish more times than I can count because I don't want children. I'd like to live my life taking care of myself, my family and friends, my pets and giving back to society. Apparently, though, that's not good enough for some people and their biased views on what a woman ''should'' do with her life.

    So call me selfish or self-centred, but also call me happy :)

  2. Thanks for writing that.
    I am struggling with the decision of having or not a baby for this same reason, I don't want to stop being "me" and start being only someone's mom.
    It all can be done, as a friend keeps repeating me. And I love your resolution because, in the end you will end up being a great model and example for your girl - plus, if you have interests, you might discover you and your daughter share some of them: think how fun it will be!

  3. I don't think it is being selfish at all! You are giving you daughter a positive role model for her to follow!

    xo Cat

  4. Amen. My son is 4 months old and every day I try to juggle being the best mommy anyone can be and trying not to lose myself in the midst of it, resulting in constant guilt tripping myself into thinking I'm being too selfish. I really need to stop doing that and recognize I am still a woman above all else. Thanks for this post.