Sunny Outlook

Yesterday was hard.  It started out like this photo, sunny, smiling, relaxed.  But, as many days have lately, it turned difficult quickly.  G and I are working on making our marriage a priority, asking ourselves "what can I do today to show the other I love them?"  Watching The Biggest Loser last night and watching Abby talk about her family, (she lost her husband, 5 year old daughter, and 1 month old son in a horrible car accident) reminded me that this life is not promised to me forever, it could be taken from me in a blink of an eye.  I need to tell the people I love that I love them.  I need to also love myself.  


I had G dig the scale out from the bathroom box last night.  I was ready.  I knew that my clothes were beginning to cause problems, that my hips seem to have disappeared (and shall not return until I whittle the waist down more) some of my favorite clothes are just too big.  So he pulled it out and weighed himself, making sure everything was working right.  I was nervous.  What if the scale didn't show what I was seeing in the mirror?  Would I care?  Would it be disappointing?  


Well color me surprised when I looked down and realized I don't even quite weigh 5 lbs more than G!  That I am officially more than 70 lbs lighter than I was at my heaviest, which was 4 years ago.  I am 45 lbs lighter than I was a year and a half ago!  That gave me the boost I needed.  I did a happy dance.  I am looking great, but it's more than that.  I am feeling great.  I did this, by telling myself not to throw up, by allowing myself to not get too full (it's easy, I eat about half of what G eats when we're out and that's my limit), by choosing to say no to certain foods that I know make me feel icky.  And by doing those changes, not only have I lost weight, but I'm healthier.  My heart is happy, because it's healthier.  


And I've noticed that I used to hate dresses and skirts, and lately you cannot get me out of them.  I am enjoying showing off my figure with more feminine touches.  I'm also enjoying my chest being smaller so I can wear v-necks without feeling indecent.  I'm leaning towards more modest, feminine clothing, and this makes it much easier.  


Now to tone.  Picking up the Shred (yes, I know I procrastinate, there have been more urgent errands that needed to be run first), and we'll see.  In the end, I don't really care.  I'm not doing this to look hot.  I'm doing this to be happy and healthy, to never again be ashamed of how I look.  And it's so crazy to me that simple changes have done it.  I weigh less now than I did when I met G at 13!!!


Have any of you been working on yourselves?  And ladies who mentioned they wanted to health up too, and were interested in the Shred, I will be keeping you posted.