I really want to be able to put up easy posts, to talk about pretty things. And eventually I will get there. I wasn't expecting to talk about the topics I've spoken about this week so far, but I did plan to talk about food, so we'll continue on into the realm of not-always-comfortable.
I've spoken about my eating disorder before. Sometimes saying "half of my life" makes me incredibly sad. I used to hope for a cure, but as I've learned more and more about it I realized that the best I could hope for was coping mechanisms and the ability to forgive myself on days I slip. In our home we're completely open about it. G knows when I'm struggling, even if I don't tell him, though I usually do. And because we've been able to talk about it, these 3 1/2 years of marriage have been a blessing to my health. I have to eat healthier, because if I don't, the mean voices begin, the guilt surges in. This doesn't mean I don't ever eat pizza. It just means that with your average Dominos pizza I eat a slice and know that I can't have a second. If I push myself further there are consequences.
The eating disorder is not about weight. It's about trying to have control in life. And what you eat or don't eat just happens to be a way to go about trying to have control. Only you don't. Not really. But I've learned that I can use food as a coping mechanism, but staying informed about food's nutrition and eating only divine food. G and I were speaking yesterday and he says he's noticed that if a food is just so-so that I've become more and more likely to not eat all of it. And it's true. I figure, why waste calories on food that isn't fantastic? I'd rather have a glass of wine.
I do feel most people need to eat healthier, more natural foods. I am a big believer that we need to learn to take care of our bodies, to get nutrients through what we eat rather than some "magic pill." (I do understand that there are some people who for personal reasons have to take multi-vitamins.) So I will be posting more info on food, recipes I love, and cookbooks that have been uber wonderful. I have two new cookbooks to try, Dorie Greenspan's "Around My French Table" Colman Andrews' "The Country Cooking of Ireland" and will be doing reviews of recipes from them. The winter time is a great time to really get in your kitchen and teach yourself to cook. It's warm. It's inviting. And it is oh so chic to be able to say "I made this" even if it's a simple pasta dish. But more on that later!
THose cookbooks sound great - I am ready for some serious kitchen time. Going to even have a online bake-a-thon pretty soon. This post got me inspired.
ReplyDeleteHi Kalee,
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading these future posts. In my experience as a trainer, I have found there are more women like you than those that do not have an eating disorder. The worst part of the eating disorder is how it robs those afflicted of precious loss of time ruminating about the food or the guilt of over eating it. I am just about to leave to meet with a high school department head to discuss my having a talk about girls body image and and the media's power of persuasion.
xoxo Deb
I think this sounds like an amazingly healthy way to approach the issue. And I have to say I am impressed you are able to be trusting and open with G about it, I bet that helps you quite a bit. The way you talk about food and how you cook inspire me to eat more real food and less processed, to cook and make things that taste wonderful instead of just okay. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI am working on the same in my house, we still slip though.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for eating healthy and kind of got over my emotional eating habit. But when you see people around you put everything in their mouth. It makes you pause and you likely not eat like them:)But I do like Doritos, hehehe.
ReplyDeleteI just asked my sister to look Dorie's book up. It sounds interesting and can't wait to read what you're about to cook. Let's get cooking or baking, like you said,even it's a simple dish!