Sunday, October 24, 2010

Not What I Expected

The Relevant Conference can be broken down into three parts for myself.  

First, joy.  I immediately met many amazing women.  I heard words of encouragement.  I even won something from DaySpring.  I was filled with joy as I waited for what the rest of the weekend would bring.

Second came tears.  Something hit me early on Friday and I spent most of the day crying off and on.  I will share some of it in a later post.  However I can tell you that I had been pretending I didn't mind that G is deploying next year (I had, after all, encouraged him to go).  But I already missed him, missed talking to him, missed sharing all the wonderful things going on with him.....and we had been apart less than a day.  Six months?  No way.  And the fact that it isn't a choice made it even more difficult as I came to terms with how hard it is going to be.  There is no asking him not to go.  The day just kept getting better and better (please note the sarcasm).  The conference did get better and better, but my day kept going down hill as one thing after another left my eyes red.  Nothing bad, just things I really tend to avoid thinking about--- a difficult task when God is so present and telling you it's time to face them.  

And then came hope.  Hope that I can make this blog what I want.  Hope that my marriage is going to be fine as we learn to communicate better.  Hope that I was going to be okay no matter what storm came.  We ended the conference in celebration, long talks late into the night, and hope for the future.

I needed this.  I so, so needed this.  I needed a weekend away.  But more than anything I needed to really connect with women who see the world so similarly.  Women who can be kinda crunchy.  Women who love being women.  Women who struggle.  Women who daily try to remember to lay those struggles at the feet of God and stop being so hard on ourselves.  The last night we listened to a phenomenal speaker, Ann Voskamp, and when she mentioned her husband saying something to her about a nasty case of perfectionism I knew what it meant.  I, too, struggle with trying to have everything together and mentally beating myself up because of my life's mess.  I needed to hear the words from these amazing women.  I needed time in a place filled with God. 

I wrote this post in my head after hearing Ann that last night.  I had fought a headache as I tried to stay through her talk.  After I went back and took a scalding hot shower, something I rarely do.  I remember thinking, "This is bad for my skin, but good for my soul."  That hot shower was the physical manifestation of my weekend.  Something painful that led to goodness.  I got out of that shower, went and sang, went and spoke to others who like me needed this. 

I am so glad I went.  I learned less about blogging that I thought I would (due partially to my missing a couple sessions to connect with other women) but more about my life.  Hopefully there will be a Relevant11.  I think a yearly break to focus less on life, more inwardly is a great thing.  And the coming home made me even more glad as I greeted G with a smile, grabbed his hand and felt His hand in my hope. 


  1. So true - less about blogging and so much more about life - a life lived full with Him. I pretty much feel there aren't words to sum up the whole experience but it was an amazing, God-filled event and I'm so glad you were right there with me. I'm pretty sure that too was a God thing.

    Love you!

  2. I am so sorry, I have a headache with dizziness. I had an amazing comment in mind and now I have forgotten.

  3. wow you really touched me with your transparency my dear...((...tears...streaming...)) It sounds like you had a real authentic genuine spontaneous encounter with our Living God. woohoo!

  4. Kalee, I couldn't agree more that it was less about blogging and more about my life and also connecting with amazing women - like you!!! So glad we had a chance to fellowship. I look forward to keeping in touch and reading your blog - so have at it and be yourself! :)

  5. hi, I'm just stopping in from the Relevant linking to say Hi. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, esp. for people like me who didn't get to attend.

  6. I love reading all of these posts from the Relevant Conference. Thank you so much for sharing with those of us who could not attend.

  7. I'm sooo glad you got to go as you've been anticipating for it!!!! Thanks for sharing how it went. I might want to go to one when I'm in the state side.

  8. I wasn't there...I was on the fence about coming and now wish I would have come. But I wanted to share with you that you really inspired me to really work hard to come if they have a conference next year. I appreciate you sharing your experience. Many blessings to you.

  9. I so agree. God had SO much for me there personally. I was so blessed to have met you. Blessings, Katie

  10. Pain that actually felt good! Yes, I got that and wrote about it in my Relevant post.

    Relevant was wonderful! I wrote about it too. I just followed your blog. I hope there is a Relevant 11, don't you? Hop on over, I'm having a week full of amazing giveaways( GUSSY, Vintage Pearl, DownEast Basics, and more!)

    Traci @ Ordinary Inspirations: