Insanity

Today, Sunday, was absolute insanity.  I woke up when I wanted to, but nothing seemed to go smoothly and I was running late.  I went to mass, where I was sad because I was alone and damnit for some reason being alone at church is where it really hits me.  Not the house, where I'm used to being alone.  But church, where G sits next to me, shares his songbook with me.  We do this thing when we're standing where our hands rest on the pew in front of us and our pinkies are interlocked.  And he always helps me into my coat (something I've actually become disgruntled at having to do myself). 

After mass I was off running errands, including picking up the old library chair that is currently in the back seat of my car.  Then I went racing to the store to pick up ingredients for tonight's dinner.  And then racing back to the church for the St. Patrick's Day dinner (which was scrumptious I must say!).  I spoke to so many people asking about G and telling me to let him know they were praying for him and I.  I offered to pray for some people for various things.  I love being with those people.

Then I came home and that was the beginning of the end.  I spoke to G for a bit, then got to prepping for dinner.  I filled grape tomatoes with boursin cheese (a canape that had been served at my wedding reception I decided to re-create).  I chopped veggies.  Then I went upstairs and sprayed cleaner on the tub, threw a tablecloth in the dryer to steam to de-wrinkle, and then headed down to let the dogs outside and deal with the recycling. 

Now, I never go outside without shoes on.  It's not smart in my backyard where there was broken pieces from construction left in the yard after they re-furbished the house.  But I had socks on and was just going down the steps.  Max was running around the house, so I closed the door to keep him out.  Let me preface this by saying we have nice locks that my dad swore were excellent (they are), but they can be opened even when locked from the inside.  Not the case from the outside.  I was locked out.  In my backyard.  Barefoot.  I seriously considered breaking a window of my own house and simply having it repaired the next day.  I then tried slamming into my door, thinking I might break the frame, but that could be fixed.  Nope, those locks are nice and strong.  That might have been when I began to cry.  So I very carefully went into the alley behind my house, walked around to the front and knocked on my next door neighbors' door who were gracious enough to let me in, let me use their cell, and then had me stay there until the locksmith came.  $230 later I was in my house.....5 minutes before my first guest arrived.

The pizza dough had not been made, the cleaning wasn't finished, I was a wreck.  I played it like a funny story, but that was the first time I was truly terrified of, "What happens if my neighbors weren't home?"  I felt extremely alone and very panicky, barefooted with no cell.  (One of my girlfriends will be getting a spare key.) 

The night ended up taking forever, we didn't eat until nearly 10.  However while chatting, drinking wine and waiting for the pizza dough to rise I decided to whip up a french chocolate cake (flourless).  I was standing there, beating egg whites, chocolate melting into butter on the stove, trying to salvage the evening.  Both things were a huge hit, and I sent each home with a large slice of cake to share with their significant others.  The pizza was literally the best I had ever made, the sauce perfection and the toppings an excellent combination (turkey kielbasa, paper thin onions, mushrooms, red peppers and spinach).  And when one girlfriend left to do some lesson planning before the school week, the other stayed to chat a bit and we drank coffee and discussed marriage and things we wish we knew ahead of time that we now honestly share with those who ask (biggest one:  marriages are hard, and take both people putting in the work). 

The night turned out awesome, we enjoyed ourselves, but cocktails and boardgames it was not.  But I have 1/4 of a pizza left, a little less than 1/2 a cake, and the freeing knowledge that tomorrow I have nothing to do but sleep in.