Friday, April 29, 2011

Carry Me Home

I would like to state first that I love Charm City.  I think it has many....charms.  It's a foodie city, with lots of amazing restaurants and chefs willing to meet the demand for fresh local fare done creatively and done well.  That being said, this is not "home" to us.  I hope that someday it will be more so, but currently it's a waiting place, a place we've been placed that we're nesting in.
We have never hidden the fact that living in England was the single most life changing experience for us as newlyweds.  We found not only our feet as a couple, but also ourselves.  And while the country is certainly not perfect (we've discussed that we would not want to only be citizens of Britain), it is the place that we call home.
 Nothing like a summer drive in Britain.....Sophie was often along.

Over the last 6-8 months it has become acutely noticeable that that will not change. We can be driving and instead of pleasant conversation we're both trying to come up with how to get back, powwow-ing ideas of escape. On a sunny day I can close my eyes while driving and almost convince myself we're winding on the road to Bury St. Edmunds.  Driving into a Ellicott City, I can almost convince myself we're there going up those twisting hills.  I did not get up to watch the Royal Wedding this morning, but I did catch the tail end of it, and when they mentioned Cambridge, my mind instantly flew home to the roads I could probably drive in my sleep.
Picnic at the Abbey.

When G and I first discovered I was pregnant, one of the first things out of my mouth was, "I want to go home now."  G always dreamed of pushing our SilverCross pram around the Abbey (have I ever mentioned that we have a vintage 1964 black and white SilverCross pram?).  I want to take them to the Christmas Fayres.  I want to hold our child while their daddy runs the charity Santa run.  And we want to picnic on the Abbey grounds watching the ducks.  And when our favorite tea room in England wished us congratulations during the announcement yesterday I broke down because my child may not attend afternoon tea there for a long time. (While trying for children while living there before I had dreamed of bringing a plump baby for tea time.)
It is not an easy thing to admit.  That the place you were born and raised is not "home" in your mind.  People get offended, taking it as a slight to themselves.  But I believe that every person has a place that just feels more like them.  So we have spent much time in conversation, discussing options.  G and I will eventually end up back here in Charm City because that is where his career field is really centered.  However, we are quite desperately trying to figure out how to get home before a second child.  And I'm a wee bit heartbroken because I'm not certain it's possible.
Still, I am a generally positive person.  I believe we'll find a way home, someday.  Until that moment arrives, then I will just try and bring England here.  My friends have expressed great interest in this thing called clotted cream (which I make from scratch), so hopefully we'll be doing tea soon.  And we're looking into having the SilverCross pram completely restored to used as a bassinet in our bedroom for now (we have a brown corduroy one that will be perfect for pushing around the gardens here....yes we packed up 2 prams from England).  We simply will carry on until we find a way to carry me home.


  1. I know exactly how you feel. For me, Austin is home. I don't know how I'm going to get back there, or when, but I know I will. I have to; it's home.

  2. Hi Kalee,

    My name is Jeanne and I've been following (albeit silently) your blog for some time - just wanted to drop you a note to say Congratulations on your little one!
    I, too am far from home with my man and am wishing for a bebe AND to be with my family in my childhood province. When I get too homesick and/or my parents seem sad over the phone, I sing "Working my Way (back to you)" by Frankie Valli to them, and it makes us all laugh.

    God bless you and your family, you're "working your way back to (home) babe"

    A bientot,
    Jeanne, from Canada

  3. No way, that was my pram! I loved it!