Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Having An Aha Moment

I frequently remark to G that too often I feel old.  He always laughs and (when he's here) kisses me and reminds me it's because I'm an old soul.  Which is nice and all, but realistically, not all that reassuring.

In college I tried very hard to have a typical experience.  I was drinking in bars when I was 20 (thanks to always looking as I do now and knowing some bartenders), going to house parties, and making out with random guys (I drew the line at doing anything more, so perhaps not so typical).  But the thing is, it always felt as if it were some role I was playing at.  A fun role, but something that didn't come naturally.  I was that 21 year old who wanted to host dinner parties with wine and good conversation.

I read a lot of blogs by women who think similarly to me and try and live the same sort of lifestyle I prefer.  It hit me that there are these amazing women who are older than me (in their later 30's and 40's), who I admire so much... because they live the way I like to live.  It explains why I find making friends with women my own age a bit more difficult.

I've found it hard lately not to come across as condescending.  Not because I'm trying to be, but rather because I really don't understand the way some people live.  I'm not judging, it simply doesn't make sense to me.  I use our china and our crystal because what's the point of keeping it in a cabinet unused?  I enjoy lazy weekend days where G and I make coffee and read the paper and maybe catch brunch at some point.  I like to play music like Louis Armstrong and Joshua Bell while I cook (and desperately miss being spun around the kitchen too).  I don't believe in eating crap food that is either very processed or too fake sugary.  And for the love of all that is holy, why can't women my age realize that tanning now is going to be highly regrettable in just a handful of years?  Stay out of the sun, use sunscreen, and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!

I don't dread turning 30, in fact I've been looking forward to it for years.  I never could understand the fear... I'll be the same person, just an age where people will finally begin to take me a bit more seriously.  I fear acting old more than getting old.  Fear losing myself.  These other bloggers reassure me that as long as I stay true to me, I have nothing to fear.


  1. I could not agree more on the sunscreen thing--WHAT are people thinking? I wear sunscreen like it's my job, and I know that in 40 years I will thank myself for that!

  2. I had to laugh at the tanning comment. I'm still carded for spray paint (you have to be 18 to buy it) and I'm 28. I grew up in AZ and was made fun of constantly for my pale skin. Funny how 10+ years changes attitudes when *I* am the one that doesn't look like she's in her 40s.

    I went out with an acquaintance for drinks. I was carded and she wasn't. She made fun of me until I pointed out that she'd just turned 22 and I was almost 28 (at the time). SHE totally should have been carded but they assumed she was in her 30s. haha.

    I had a discussion with an insanely buff luscious mocha male friend and he said he didn't understand why white women tan and black women bleach. There's like this shade of mulatto skin color that everyone seems to strive to be. BLECH. Embrace your own skin color damnit.

  3. I always found it hard to make friends with women in my age group; while I love to dance around and sing Beyonce and Lady Gaga, I also like to discuss documentaries I see on PBS and analyze the debt crisis -- and sing Ella Fitzgerald and Sarah Vaughn. These topics don't usually come up at the monthly bunco game.

    I try to see intergenerational friendships from a spiritual perspective: we're all the same age in God's eyes. So I befriend women (and men) of the same spirit, rather than if they are in my demographic box.

    One of my best friends is 67. Another is 50-something.

    I have "met" more intelligent, globally minded, cultured, caring, fun women my age in the blogosphere than anywhere else. If only we get together monthly!

  4. Missris, exactly! I sunbathed as a teen and at 19 woke up one day and realized I was being an idiot... and have spent the rest of the time avoiding the sun like I'm a vampire.

    Amanda, I've noticed that too, and it just seems sad. I have tan easily, so have to be super careful, but I love my natural skintone.

    Rebekah, I completely agree! One of my favorite people here in the city is in her 50's (I'm guessing, could be 60's). She's amazing, and I'm excited that we're getting together for lunch this week! I try to make a point to stay around people who are awesome, no matter their age.

  5. Oh, how I hear you!
    I have always felt older than my age-loving classical music and art and literature instead of going to clubs. Or, going to the beach in the early hours of the day to enjoy the water and the smell and avoid roasting under the sun! And I have felt very misunderstood...
    Now I am 37, and when people call me "girl", I reply - I have spent 37 years living, I think I deserve to be called a woman, not a girl anymore!