I frequently remark to G that too often I feel old. He always laughs and (when he's here) kisses me and reminds me it's because I'm an old soul. Which is nice and all, but realistically, not all that reassuring.
In college I tried very hard to have a typical experience. I was drinking in bars when I was 20 (thanks to always looking as I do now and knowing some bartenders), going to house parties, and making out with random guys (I drew the line at doing anything more, so perhaps not so typical). But the thing is, it always felt as if it were some role I was playing at. A fun role, but something that didn't come naturally. I was that 21 year old who wanted to host dinner parties with wine and good conversation.
I read a lot of blogs by women who think similarly to me and try and live the same sort of lifestyle I prefer. It hit me that there are these amazing women who are older than me (in their later 30's and 40's), who I admire so much... because they live the way I like to live. It explains why I find making friends with women my own age a bit more difficult.
I've found it hard lately not to come across as condescending. Not because I'm trying to be, but rather because I really don't understand the way some people live. I'm not judging, it simply doesn't make sense to me. I use our china and our crystal because what's the point of keeping it in a cabinet unused? I enjoy lazy weekend days where G and I make coffee and read the paper and maybe catch brunch at some point. I like to play music like Louis Armstrong and Joshua Bell while I cook (and desperately miss being spun around the kitchen too). I don't believe in eating crap food that is either very processed or too fake sugary. And for the love of all that is holy, why can't women my age realize that tanning now is going to be highly regrettable in just a handful of years? Stay out of the sun, use sunscreen, and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!
I don't dread turning 30, in fact I've been looking forward to it for years. I never could understand the fear... I'll be the same person, just an age where people will finally begin to take me a bit more seriously. I fear acting old more than getting old. Fear losing myself. These other bloggers reassure me that as long as I stay true to me, I have nothing to fear.