Heart Calling

I didn't know which blog to post about this on.  I'm sitting here and I'm crying a bit, watching a video of another family who found out that they are going to get to bring their two little girls home from Uganda soon.  These are tears of joy.  I'm passionate about adoption, it was laid on my heart as a little girl myself and was always a deciding factor in relationships.  G had never given it much thought, but once I mentioned it his heart lit up on fire like I've never seen.  We have no problem talking about why we feel God has called all of us to to take in the ones He's been watching over.

We had planned to begin an adoption in September.  Get the paperwork ball rolling, knowing it might be a while until we could raise the funds, until we could get it done.  We had said, "Not now" for so long as we kept hearing it call, that once we said "Yes, now is good" we were amused to find that suddenly we were pregnant.  Apparently God finds our decisions amusing.  I've told G that sometimes it feels like we had to say yes what He was wanting before He would say yes to us.

It's something we haven't talked about.  How to handle this conundrum.  The voice that says "I already have children for you planned" hasn't given instructions on how to move forward.  We know a new baby will be work so our adoption plans are halted and each family I hear about both lifts my heart and makes me wonder, "When will it be our time?" 

I'm hopeful that the answer may be in a year from now.  Financially it's tricky.  To afford the adoption means money from our house fund, which means it will take us longer to get into another house that will be bigger with more rooms for children.  We go back on forth about how many kids, not knowing if this will be our first and last biologically, but knowing that we feel there are at least two out there that He's already chosen for us. 

So I'm praying about it.  I'll whisper about it to Miss Escargot.  About how she is going to have siblings to love.  I explain that she may be our first but she may not be our oldest.  For we know not the plans He has for us.  And I'm trying to be okay with that for now.  So far, the surprises have all been good.