Calling

Sometimes all I do is second guess myself. The past few days it has been, "Do I really want to live in the city?" and "What on earth are we getting ourselves into, when the first thing we're thinking is how do we prevent the house getting broken into?" The why's and what were we thinking's are high, so I really need to take a step back. The answer to the questions is simple.

Because.

Because we felt it was right. Because God has called my heart to care for those less fortunate than us, and we both felt getting into the thick of it was the best thing. Because seeing the homeless on our drive to the house we put an offer on has kept my heart vigilant and reminded me I need to make up sacks of food. Because if it weren't for God I would fail constantly.

He took my heart and said, feed those who are hungry. He gave me a husband who rather than laugh, helped come up with ideas. I am a good cook not just because I worked at it, but because He gave me those skills to help others. To provide not only nourishment of the body, but a respite for the soul. When I sit down with a friend over food during times of strife, not only are we fed, but we are healed in that moment. He gave me a desire to bond with people over food. To open my home to others who might need to just sit, drink coffee, and talk. It is not any trouble, it is a blessing that we will be able to do this.

We are not rich. Sometimes I fail because I worry if I spend money helping another, what will happen to us. But I am reminded that in those times, I will be provided for. I am reminded that a night of me not getting to go rent movies is nothing compared to a night of children going hungry. I want to be authentic. I don't want to come across as holier than thou. I want my failings to be viewable to the public because it is in those failings that we learn. Those moments of selfishness that we try to hide are something everyone has. To hide them to is to make others feel the need to as well.

We are called to take care of those who need our help. He does not say, "Give when you have extra." He just says to give. To offer up your heart and an ear, even when your pantry is bare. And that is why I am moving to a poorer part of the city. It's not a particularly unsafe area. But it will offer me close proximity to help, to volunteer my time and my heart. And that is what G and I have been called to do.