Monday, June 21, 2010

Marriage Monday

I just wanted to share something.  Yes, G is the one who is having to do the most work on our marriage.  It doesn't mean he's a bad guy, he simply has the most growth to do in the relationship (and the counselor equates it to issues he has period, such as the fear of failure).  However, let me clear up that I have had to work on myself as well.  And it's been lovely.  That's not sarcasm, it really has been.  Our home is calmer, because though I do on occasion snap (I have a supreme lack of patience and when I say I need something I mean I wanted it 3 minutes ago before I'd even thought of it), instead of simply feeling guilty, I apologize quickly.  Sometimes it takes a minute or two to deal with whatever caused me to snap, but within about 5 minutes I've apologized.  It has freed me from guilt, and it has let G know that I do realize when I've snapped unnecessarily. 

I've also been a happier wife because G has been making effort.  And in response, I have made more effort.  Instead of vegging out in front of the t.v. last night I made pancakes for us to heat up this week for breakfasts.  I mixed up some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies (from a jar mix my parents church gave us last time we visited) and stayed up to make them.  G loves oatmeal cookies and I thought it would be a nice, simple treat for him this week.  I've been more complimentary to G and made sure to put down something to listen to him when he wants to chat.  On the other side, he's began to try and pay attention to when I'm in the middle of something (like typing, where if I lose my train of thought I get a bit pissy), and wait until I've stopped.  It's been give and take.

And something that I have always needed to do but been reluctant to do is ask G to help out.  When I'm cooking he generally is helping clean up as I go.  But sometimes, like last night, there isn't much to do (I was using the bowl with the dough and that was it.  But the dishwasher needed to be unloaded so I could reload, and I asked him to get up and do that while I baked.  He's happy to help.  Often I try and take it all on, and just have him sit and chat with me, but I need to learn to ask for help.  

So, to reiterate, yes, G has been doing a lot of work.  But because he's made effort, I've begun making effort in my reactions.  Overall this week especially has been so nice we're kind of shocked.  And it's been motivation for him to keep it up.  Which is why this morning I woke up to a cute little poem next to my water glass that ended in something about beer.  Yes, he's making effort, but he's still a man!


  1. That's so sweet. When I think of marriage, it's like "beautiful wedding dresses, amazing husband, midnight talks." and that is just a little bit naive, I'm seventeen I have the right to be naive when I feel like it. lol. Well, I'm so happy to see the actual side of it. Because it's work too, and now I wonder if I truly wanna get married. It's cool to share your life with someone else though. Thanks for having a life that you wanna share with blogger!

  2. I am so happy that you are both making the effort. You both are worth the effort!!:-)) Cookies and beer may just be the secret to a happy marriage.;-)

  3. I love you both and please call me if you need to talk! Big hugs!

  4. I love to here of the give and take. I know it will get easier with time.