Halloween

For Halloween my FIL sent us chocolate.  Actually he sent G a dark chocolate Hershey's bar and me a Belgian dark chocolate bar that is twice the weight of G's (because he says he knows I don't like Hersheys).  This confirms what we've always known.....his father secretly loves me.  I'm sorry Ann.  :)  (and yes, I'm kidding....well, partly....G does look like his father, and my grandmama never fails to confirm he's a handsome fella!)

Yes, I've had wine and am slightly loopy.  Blame it on my lack of normal alcohol consumption. 

Putting It Out There

Several bloggers have posted recently about putting your intentions out there.  Just saying to the world, "This is what I have planned for myself."  So here goes:

I'm 25, but I've been writing poetry and stories since I was a small child (yes, my mother has a stash of faux-hallmark cards I would make, and I have hundreds of poetry I wrote when I was younger, some crap, some really good).  But for the past couple years I have been exploring the idea of sucking up my fears, and finishing one of the novels I have started.  You see, I'm a writer.  I think in story-lines, and that is why my life can get kinda crazy.  I believe in making life more like what I read about, in not just accepting the day to day crap.  

So my biggest secret wish of them all is that I can get published.  I don't need to be big, I just want people to read what I write, to enjoy it.  G is fully supportive of this, and is in fact the only person on the planet I share my ideas with.  But what even he doesn't know is that I would love to be big, if for no other reason than to take control of our life.  I feel like being in the military makes us less in control, and I would love to have enough money from something I love doing to say to him, just quit.  Just come with me and relax in the lavender fields in the South of France.  Just breathe in the salty air on Corfu.  I want to make it as an author for those 2 reasons:  I love writing, and I want to make the type of life for us that we spend hours day dreaming of.  To be able to own a small farm where we can grasp earth in our hands, where we can have petite goats follow us around.  (Oh, and if we could also afford an old high ceilinged apartment in Paris, that would be great too.)

Someday I will share with you pieces of my novels.  I believe that someday I will get published.  But I wanted to put it out there.  It's time I start letting the universe believe in me.  

Aargh!

Me:  You need to come up with a name for the house since you want to name it.

G:  Yes.  Pause

      It's bad luck to sail a ship without a name.

Me: Laughing  But we don't live in a ship.

Ahh, the crazy moments of my life when I wonder if my husband is getting too many sharpie fumes at work.  

Sunny Outlook

Yesterday was hard.  It started out like this photo, sunny, smiling, relaxed.  But, as many days have lately, it turned difficult quickly.  G and I are working on making our marriage a priority, asking ourselves "what can I do today to show the other I love them?"  Watching The Biggest Loser last night and watching Abby talk about her family, (she lost her husband, 5 year old daughter, and 1 month old son in a horrible car accident) reminded me that this life is not promised to me forever, it could be taken from me in a blink of an eye.  I need to tell the people I love that I love them.  I need to also love myself.  


I had G dig the scale out from the bathroom box last night.  I was ready.  I knew that my clothes were beginning to cause problems, that my hips seem to have disappeared (and shall not return until I whittle the waist down more) some of my favorite clothes are just too big.  So he pulled it out and weighed himself, making sure everything was working right.  I was nervous.  What if the scale didn't show what I was seeing in the mirror?  Would I care?  Would it be disappointing?  


Well color me surprised when I looked down and realized I don't even quite weigh 5 lbs more than G!  That I am officially more than 70 lbs lighter than I was at my heaviest, which was 4 years ago.  I am 45 lbs lighter than I was a year and a half ago!  That gave me the boost I needed.  I did a happy dance.  I am looking great, but it's more than that.  I am feeling great.  I did this, by telling myself not to throw up, by allowing myself to not get too full (it's easy, I eat about half of what G eats when we're out and that's my limit), by choosing to say no to certain foods that I know make me feel icky.  And by doing those changes, not only have I lost weight, but I'm healthier.  My heart is happy, because it's healthier.  


And I've noticed that I used to hate dresses and skirts, and lately you cannot get me out of them.  I am enjoying showing off my figure with more feminine touches.  I'm also enjoying my chest being smaller so I can wear v-necks without feeling indecent.  I'm leaning towards more modest, feminine clothing, and this makes it much easier.  


Now to tone.  Picking up the Shred (yes, I know I procrastinate, there have been more urgent errands that needed to be run first), and we'll see.  In the end, I don't really care.  I'm not doing this to look hot.  I'm doing this to be happy and healthy, to never again be ashamed of how I look.  And it's so crazy to me that simple changes have done it.  I weigh less now than I did when I met G at 13!!!


Have any of you been working on yourselves?  And ladies who mentioned they wanted to health up too, and were interested in the Shred, I will be keeping you posted.  

Pay It Forward

Lately I've been having "one of those days" over and over again.  You know the kind, where you just want to curl up in a ball and wish the world away.  And honestly, I'm sick of it.  I'm sick of those days, I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself, and I am just sick of being sad.  So I was wondering if anyone else is feeling this way?  I know a few people who seem to be, so I am thinking it's the season. 


And it got me to thinking, would anyone else out there like to be cheered up?  Maybe we could even get a whole bunch of people to pay it forward to one another, if that makes sense?  Little care packages, or simply a note to brighten someone's day.  Would any of my lovely readers be interested in this?  Let me know!


*EDIT*  Oh, and if you are or know of a blogger or just people in the Baltimore/D.C. area, please let me know!  I am trying to be proactive about meeting people out here....I love G, but damn if I'm not getting sick of him being the only person I do coffee with!

Honest Scrap Award

FrecklesChick nominated me for this award earlier this month, and I started a post on UneVieChic, but forgot to finish it!  Thank you FC for nominating me!  

The rules:
* Say thanks and give a link to the presenter of the award.
* Share “10 Honest Things” about myself.
* Present this award to 7 others whose blogs I find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have inspired me.
* Tell those 7 people they’ve been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving.

Okay, here are 10 Honest Things About Myself, Some a bit kooky!

1.  I hate the color orange for fashion or major decorating (like furniture) because of my skin tone.  I think you should have furniture that makes you look good, and orange sure as hell does not!  (however I love little pops of it in a room)

2.  I'm vain, I love mirrors, and I've thought about doing a whole wall of old windows with mirrors in them to bounce light around.  

3.  I am trying to purge things from our home.  I have way too many dishes, clothes, books, etc.  Look for giveaways and gifting on each blog soon!

4.  I stole a pub glass (pint) from the bar in Brandon on my 25th birthday.  Shoved it in my purse, and have plans to etch something on it to remember that night.

5.  I used to never wear anything more than once before washing it.  Then in college I could wear the same pair of jeans for a week or so without washing, and now after living in a hotel for over a month I can say I have shirts and dresses that I wore a few times before washing.  What can I say?  I don't really sweat, and I don't really get anything on them.  I always do the sniff test.  If I can't smell anything, and they just smell like cotton or my perfume, then they get worn again.  I've noticed my clothes seem to wear out less this way! (and apparently it's the way women used to roll, just hanging things up to air out)

6.  I've become a fan of tights if for no other reason than I love my dresses and don't want to have to give them up, even in this crappy weather.

7.  I'm with FC, I really don't get the ikat craze.  I love pattern, but it just seems messy to me.  I think this entire time I've seen maybe 2 things that I thought, eh, they're okay about. Strangely the pic on her blog is one of them.

8.  I want a baby.  But I like the way my body is shaping up.  Not sure where this will lead...

9.  I hate being around smokers without having a cigarette myself.  It sounds crazy, but the smoke bothers me, but as soon as I have a cigarette myself then I no longer notice theirs (maybe because my lungs are closing up, so I'm not taking in theirs).  This makes being around my best friend difficult, since I tend to smoke then.  

10.  I have over 2,000 images and PDF files saved on the computer over the last few months.  All crafts or inspiration photos for the home.  I'm slowly going through and organizing them, but it's a pain.

My nominations:

1. Bobbi at KidToGrownUp.  

2. Sarah at MisplacedTexan

3. The Feather Report

4. AmericanCrumpet

5. Dunkley

6. Lindsey at EverythingLEB

7. PerfectSentiment

Please go show these beautiful ladies some love!

Kreativ Blogger Award

So I recently got 2 different blog awards, and I put off doing them.  Not because I'm not excited to have gotten them, but because they always require things about me, and damn if I feel like that's hard to come up with!  But I do want to say thank you to the wonderful ladies, FrecklesChick and Cherie over at Renaissance Garden!  I'll be doing FrecklesChicks over at my home blog UneMaisonChic.  


Cherie gave me the Kreativ Blogger Award, and I am honoured as all get out!  

The 'rules' for the award are:
1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link the person who nominated you.
4. Name seven things about yourself that no one would really know.
5. Nominate seven "Kreativ Bloggers."
6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them


Well, here at 7 things that nearly no one knows about me!
1.  I secretly watch geeky shows that G introduced me to.  In fact, although he has the whole series, he's never watched the very last of The X-Files, and I spent a little over a month watching the entire series while he was at work.  So yes, I'm a geek.
2.  I also watch Castle, and I knew what the reference to the Space Cowboy outfit this last week was.  I was embarrassed, since I won't own up to that one!
3.  My husband calls me his little monkey, since I can use my toes for so much.  In fact, when wrestling, he tries to stay away from my feet more than anything, since they are like pincers and I grab on to his skin and he claims it hurts (I think he's just whining).  :)
4.  I love hotels if for one reason only.....I like to jump on the bed, just a little, but it makes me feel like a rebel.
5.  I used to drink my tequila sunrises with fumes coming off of them (and no, I'm not exaggerating. My close friend Lydia pointed it out once, since it was mainly tequila with a shot of OJ.), but now one shot of tequila and I'm goofy.
6.  I desperately want to be fitted for a corset.  I found a woman who makes them in KC while at the fashion show, but wasn't home long enough to look into it.  I have a lot of dresses that would look amazing with some boning under them!
7.  I hate my voice when I get excited.  It gets all high pitched and squeaky.  I sing alto, and yet in high school a friend said it was always surprising how deep I sing since I have such a high voice normally.  I now try to sound less like a valley girl, and my voice is much deeper, as long as you don't get me excited!


As for the nominations, I am going to try and hand out to ones I love but maybe haven't mentioned before:


1.  DiaryofWhy  If you want a self-deprecating good read, this is it.  Her writing style is very engaging!
2.  Destination1940 If you don't read her, you should.  I like to wait a couple days and read several entries at once.  
3.  SimplySeductive  I love this blog for inspiring photos of fashion and decor.  Beautiful.
4.  PugsNotDrugs  I cannot remember how I came across her, but the photos of her pug is enough to make you smile, and the rest of her blog is fab as well!
5.  ClassyandSophisticated  She has some great ideas for projects around your home!
6.  TheFrugalGirl  I may have nominated her before, I dunno, but her beautiful photos, frugal ideas, and grocery savings should make you drop in and say hello!
7.  GarlicBreath  I read Riana's other blog TheseDaysInFrenchLife as well, but this blog has some yummy recipes, and interesting information about food.


Please drop in on the lovely blogs, they are all vastly different, but all fantastic!

Mirror Mirror

I feel like I am really slacking on this whole putting the house together thing.  However, after searching many stores, and some stores more than once, G and I finally found the mirrored tray from Target we had been searching for.  We had found it previously, but always either broken or with nicks in the glass.  While grocery shopping there the other day, we came across a tray (we are assuming maybe there was an extra in back, because they haven't had them for awhile) and we inspected it 3 or 4 times.  Turned out perfect, and it is now sitting on the tea trolley outside our bathroom, with perfumes and our cake topper on it.  I am still planning on painting the trolley (probably a high gloss white), but wanted to take a pic right this instance!  Eventually the tray will have our water carafe and glasses on it or we will be moving it downstairs to use as a bar in the living room.  In that case, the tray will go on a side table in our suite.

Grocery Shopping

Moving has it's disadvantages.  For instance, I still don't know where all my cooking implements are (and some are in a different state), and I am still learning how to use our gas stove.  So, we've been improvising.  Lots of packaged foods.  Mainly soup.  But, let me tell you, I discovered an amazing soup....Chicken Tortilla by Muir Glen.  Tastes like something from a restaurant.  The chicken in it is not slimy (like I find other brands), it's got a great flavor (I add extra spices, but that's because I like it HOT), and add in a garlic grilled cheese sandwich and it's a simple but good meal.  The other day I did soup, grilled cheese and pudding for dessert and called it a school day lunch for G.


And the reason we tried this soup was because we found some coupons at the commissary for $1.00 off of any Muir Glen product!  I might have taken quite a few, knowing I will use them all, and picked up 10 cans of soup that night.  Then tonight we went for more groceries and I picked up another 7 cans (we've now got at least one can of every type of their soup found at our local commissary, and we had the tomato tonight.....yummy!), and I also picked up 5 cans of whole peeled tomatoes, which I plan on using for pasta sauce, in chilli and soups.  We also used other coupons we had (including a $1.00 off of hagen daazs, which I had never had, but the caramel is amazing!), and ended up saving over $15.00 in coupons!


Here's what we got for $31.43 (that includes a $2.26 surcharge, since the commissary doesn't charge tax).

I know it seems a random assortment, but with this being the season, all of this will get used!  The bread crumbs were on sale for 0.89 a piece, so with my coupon for $1.00 off 2, I got both for 78 cents!  We used bread crumbs in meatloaf, baked tomatoes, stuffed mushrooms, etc.  The onions were on sale 0.99 for 3 lbs, and those will be gone through in no time.....I'm actually planning on freezing a whole bunch to use in soups and pastas.  The butternut squash was on sale for 0.59 a pound, and that will make a yummy soup. (we also picked up a spaghetti squash the other day for the same price and plan on eating it like pasta with some baked chicken....I also plan on stocking up on more squash this weekend, since it will keep for months in my cold basement)  The Simply Asian meal is not something we usually get, but G wanted to try it, I had a coupon, so that will be his lunch on Thursday (because of his schedule we are extremely lucky to get to eat lunch together 3 days a week, so he only brings a full meal 2 days a week, and on those days comes home to tea!).  The french onions are a staple for this season, for the obvious green bean casserole, but we also sprinkle some on salads, and they add good texture and taste to so many things (like a chicken sandwich!).  The soups I got for 0.89 a can (and some I picked up before for 0.66 a can.....G and I split a can at a time, so it's a very cheap meal).  The canned tomatoes I actually got for 0.76 a can, and we're planning on picking up some of their diced tomatoes this weekend.  The only thing not pictured is the Hank's Black Cherry Soda bottle that we split on the way home!


Has anybody gotten great deals with all the holiday things on sale?  Any good recipes with bread crumbs (because I have more coupons and am seriously thinking of stocking up for that price!).  

An Odd Idea

We're unpacking boxes, and I am coming up with some random things I had forgotten about (either because I haven't seen them in awhile or because I just don't use them anymore, so don't give them much thought).  And I was wondering, does anyone wear the scent Very Irresistible by Givenchy?  It used to be my scent, but I switched to Coco Mademoiselle (my husband says it's "me" and sniffs me.....he likes it a lot, and I agree it suits me now more than the Givenchy).  But I am one of those people who doesn't wait to use the old stuff up first (wasteful I know).  So I have half a bottle of Very Irresistible.  I can't really donate half a bottle anymore, and I was reading another blog and thought, hmm, perhaps one of my lovely female readers would like it?  (I keep my bottles is cool temps away from sunlight, so even scents I have had for years smell new, and this bottle isn't that old)

So, if this is your scent, or you just want to try it, let me know!  I will send it your way, free of cost, so just leave a comment with your e-mail.  First up gets it!  And there might be more of these giveaways soon, maybe a week of drawings, since Lord knows I have too much stuff!

Cue The Theme Song

So G and I are at Panera today, enjoying a mug of coffee, discussing the weather, my need for the 36 hour bag, and babies, when I see a guy in a very standard looking tan trench coat.  That coupled with his whole look made me start humming.....the theme song for Inspector Gadget.  And G jumped in with "Inspector Gadget!" and we laughed for the longest time.  Just one of those moments that I wanted to record because it makes me smile!

Let's Get Real

Marriage is hard.  Sometimes love isn't enough, you need a glass of wine to help.....or a 1960's Mad Men-esque glass of whiskey (small, but warms you).  Sometimes you need to vent, scream, throw your phone, somehow denting the side of your aluminum Mac.  Not that I know anyone like that.  

G has given me the go ahead with this part of the post (the second half is a surprise for him).  If you are his mother or sister, and you don't want to hear anything other than he's perfect, walk away.  I love my husband, he's been my best friend for so many years, and we've been together for 3 1/2 years.  But I realizes lately that the blogs that I enjoy the most are the ones where the people are straight up honest about how their relationships (with spouses, children, family and friends) work.  And G said he's had some concerns that because I didn't want an uproar, I've glossed over our life.  We're a real couple, we have real struggles, and I want to share that you don't always like the people in your life every second.

So let's get real.  Once again, marriage is hard.  It's a down right pain in the rear on some days, and hurtful emotionally on others.  I have a husband who cannot plan a date for the life of him.  At all.  Nada.  And yes I'm bitching about it, because I know other women have the same problem.  I don't know if it's a "I couldn't think of anything special" or a laziness issue (sometimes both), but it's brought me to the end of my rope.  I know that with G he gets complacent and that when he thinks about it, he tries to do something extraordinary (God love him) rather than simply take me out for a movie, or hell, cook Hamburger helper and set the table.  I am not asking for much, we don't even have to leave the house.  It's a work in progress.

Marriage changes relationships.  For the better, usually.  I have a lifetime confidant, partner, and someone who is going to eventually see my body go through hell to bring him children and he will love it even more for it.  But it can also make your sex life a nightmare.  There, I said it.  Because I used to feel like I was the only one out there frustrated with this particular problem.  It's kept hush hush, lemme tell ya.  Because we're human, and we're embarrassed that marriage doesn't equal perfection, and hot nights every night.  And it isn't just marriage, I know friends in long term relationships who deal with the same thing.  You get busy, you get tired, and you stop getting "busy" as often.  It's a struggle to remember that you enjoy it enough to drink a cup of coffee and stay awake.

And sometimes you get angry.  You get frustrated.  You get hurt.  I know friends who think G and I are the cutest damn thing, and "oh my God I want that".  Go ahead, want it (because we are stinking cute at times), but also realize that marriage is not the cure-all.  It's not like you walk down the aisle and step into some fairy tale.  It's hard.  If you don't argue, someone isn't speaking up, because I don't know 2 people who live together who get along all the time.  The key is to try (I said try) to argue fairly, to give each person a chance to speak their mind, and to want to work it out.  To know some nights you are going to go to bed mad (even though you try otherwise) but usually you'll wake up refreshed and ready to talk.  And communicate!  Talk about your problems, but also just talk to one another about the b.s., your day, something you saw on the news.  Don't let your relationship get stale.  Tell the person exactly why you love them so much.  

Which brings me to the surprise.  G, I love you.  I know that lately I seem so sad all the time.  I know that you feel lost, and you worry because I have a tendency to want to run as soon as things get tough.  I'm not as strong as I want to be.  But I love you.

Because you love me even at my ugliest.

Because while I'm learning on this gas stove you took the slightly burnt grilled cheese.

Because you come home excited to see me.

Because you tell silly stories that get bigger every time I hear them.  You must have been an amazing child, and will be an amazing old man telling "It was thiiiis big" stories.

Because you say some outrageous things that make me laugh so hard I think I'm going to pee my pants.  Even better that they are always random.

Because you look at the stars and see the science and yet still have wonder.

Because you have taken charge of our meal time prayers, and you pray for people we don't even know.

Because you keep all the names of the bloggers I like separate, and can keep up as I ramble about so and so's decorating idea, recipe, funny story, or just life.

Because you help me feel less helpless in this crazy city.

Because you don't see how amazing you are, you don't think you're as sexy as you are, and it makes you that much more charming.  

Because you look sexiest in button downs, black or white t-shirts, and henleys, and you just wear them cause they're comfy.

Because you draw patterns on my skin with your fingers connecting my freckles and you apparently have a fascination with a right triangle on each of my shoulders.  You love the tiniest specks of me!

Because even when I hate you I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, anywhere.

Okay, readers, maybe I'm being too personal, maybe I'm still holding back.  But this was the final frontier.  I've talked about eating disorders, weight, failures, and triumphs, anger and disappointments, but I avoided my marriage.  It's sacred.  But it's far from perfect.  Because we are all far from perfect.  We're human.  We fall down sometimes so hard we feel broken and aren't sure we can get back up.  But what makes my marriage work is that each person chooses the other.  To forgive.  To help up.  To hold.  To love.  And I take this over the fairy tales of my youth any day.  

Things About City Life

I really do love living here in this city.  The lights, the noise, the surprising friendliness of neighbors.  But some parts make me horribly sad.  It's cold and rainy here a lot, and I see plenty of homeless on our drive towards and coming back from base.  Garret had bought apples the other day and gave one to a man he saw, feeling bad that was all he had.  So we try and pack sandwiches and apples in the car when we're heading out and about.  The economy kinda sucks here, (as in a lot of places) and so we try to do a little.  I encourage you to consider doing similar things.  A peanut butter sandwich can sit in your car for a bit, and it's a source of protein.  We're hoping to remember to do things like baked potatoes as it gets colder.  Pop them in the oven an hour or so before you're leaving and it's something that provides some heat and a lot of nutrients.

We've been in the house a little over a week, and while it seems like there is always something new to worry about, we're loving it.  Baby steps, deep breaths, and lots of coffee!  This city is full of life, and the homes are colorful.  This is what I see when I look out our back window, the colors are stunning.  

Our heat hasn't been on in a few days.  It's cold outside, but our house is quite well insulated apparently.  The thermostat is set to 65, and yet it's been 70+ in here with our furnace turned off.  I don't think we're going to mind this next bill too much!  We got our new laundry machines this past week, and I am loving the little music they play when they begin and end.  Because our house is so empty with hardwood floors, you can hear it in the kitchen (and our laundry is up on the third floor).  G's become our local handyman, installing blinds and curtains.  Last night he went downstairs to check the breaker box, and accidentally set off our house alarm....boy is it loud!  I think he nearly had a heart attack as he came up muttering about needing to stick his finger in a light socket to re-start his heart!  

Sorry for the lack of posting and the lack of pics.  The house still has plenty of boxes as we figure out what will stay, what we're donating.  It keeps us busy, running errands, picking up things we forgot we would need.  I hope everyone is enjoying the fall, it's been beautiful around here, I need to take pics of the changing trees! Here is a pic on base of a grate that I fell in love with the pattern.  Very Moroccan tile-esque!

Oh, and our sweet realtor brought these over this week:

A book on Baltimore and pumpkin muffins with cream cheese frosting (that she made from scratch!).  The muffins were delicious and she was kind enough to give me the recipe, making G a very happy man.  Ahh, making a man happy by feeding him simple quick breads!

How To Get Skinny In The City

Step One:  Buy a three story house in the city.

Step Two: Make sure the house is very old so that the floors slope and you are constantly walking uphill. 

Step Three:  Make sure the master bedroom is on the top floor, therefore you have to walk down 2 flights and up 2 flights of stairs every time you want something like a glass of water from the kitchen.

Step Four:  Go about your daily life knowing that steps 2 & 3 will be a constant in your day and that the inches are going to melt off.  Because let's face it, the idea of walking downstairs every time you want a muffin is a good deterrent.  

Busy As A Baby Bumblebee

I feel like the past 2 days have been me and G running around crazily trying to get so much done.  After 3 attempts we finally found a tension shower curtain rod that would fit our shower.  Now we realize we need an extra long shower curtain.  Of course!  We ordered our washing machine and dryer, and lets just hope it all works out!  Our electric company is going to be sending us a $50 check for buying an energy star washing machine, so score!  But the delivery people have to get the machines up 2 flights of stairs....hmmm.  Home Depot said they could do it.  (although don't get me started on Home Depot....some of the workers are nice, but the policies suck)

And tonight I spent a few hours trying desperately to get my kitchen organized.  For those who don't know me personally or haven't been reading this blog long enough to catch on, I pretty much am obsessive-compulsive about organization in my kitchen.  My glasses have to be the same distance, turned all the same way (no I don't measure, but I'm an artist, so pretty good at looking and fixing it if it's wrong).  Everything has a place basically.  And our corner cabinet is glass.....what on earth do I even do with that?  I mean, honestly, our first floor has 9 1/2' ceilings, so I need a step stool to reach anything past the second shelf.  And I'm considered tall enough to model, people.  It's frustrating.  So there I was on a step stool, trying to put things away, and then we realized the shelves were wrong.....only in the corner cabinet we couldn't reach deep enough to adjust them (finally G did after 30 min. of maneuvering).  So we ate some cheesecake and are calling it a night.

Tomorrow we get a house phone, and hopefully soon our internet will be up (I might be borrowing this from an open network nearby).  Having to sit on the toilet (with the seat down if you must know) in our master bath to get a full signal is kinda wearing me out.....especially since we don't have window coverings yet and I am paranoid that the people behind us think I spend too much time in here.  (luckily their homes are a story shorter so they can't directly see me acting a fool!).

Pics to come soon, after I get the house more done up.  And no it won't be finished for at least a year, but you'll come along on the journey won't you, please?

Musings At 5 A.M.

I cannot sleep.  It's raining outside, and I am hyped up (although hoping to crash soon).  It's the first night in our home that I'm not completely freaking out.  In fact, I enjoyed unpacking, something I was sobbing about the night before.  So we'll see how this goes.  

And what does Kalee do when it's 4 a.m. and she cannot sleep?  Why she begins singing old songs to G as he drifts off.  Then she decides that that song must be sung more properly and hits up youtube.  Joe Cocker at Woodstock singing A Little Help From My Friends?  Perfect.  He's on stage, looking like he's seizing, and yet, I'm calmed.  What can I say?  It's the hippie in me.

I used to be much more of a hippie.  I once called my mom my freshman year of college to let her know she might have to bail me out of jail, that I was going to protest the upcoming war in Iraq.  She told me I was definitely born into the wrong era.  Now I've calmed down a bit, gotten comfortable with life, but still I am very opinionated politically, both about our own country and the state of the world.  Don't even get me started, because I have a tendency to just go off on a tangent.  Luckily as long as I don't let his bosses hear my wilder views my husband loves me for it.  He calls me his little dirty hippie.  

Someday I'll be my old self.  Someday I'll be "crunchy" and wear my baby and get back to my roots, wanting to feel the earth in my hands (both G and I have a strange need to work the earth).  I swear it's a miracle I didn't end up married to a singer living on a commune.  G doesn't sing much, nor does he have any desire to live in a place without basic amenities, so it won't be happening any time soon. Hmmph! 

(but his older brother is definitely a hippie type of guy and plays the guitar, writes his own songs and sings....I tease G that I picked the wrong brother!)  

For now I'll settle to having my mini moments, listening to Janis Joplin sing, then switching to Joni Mitchell.  "Tears and fears and feeling proud.  To say I love you right out loud."  I've felt that for G since the day I realized he was it for me.  That he loved me completely, dirty hippie side and all.  

Here's Joni Mitchell a couple years ago.  Her voice has changed, but it gives it more authenticity for the song in my personal opinion.

Home Is Where The Chaos Is

I was reading a post over at Bonjour Madame about entertaining during the holidays and her husband's loud Louisiana family.  Stephanie is always a great read, so please go visit her blog.

It got me to thinking about the madness that is my family.  I love them, God knows I do, but boy are they loud and opinionated!  G comes from a quieter family, so I always worry my family will intimidate him.  Instead, they seem to bring out his smart ass, sarcastic side.  One of the things he loves about my family is how crazy they are! (bless his heart, right?)  He loves how we all get into card games.  And my grandmama cracks him up (even as she and I are bickering because for the 100th time, if G wanted something to eat he would either ask me or use his own two God given hands to get something himself!  She thinks I'm starving him and that as his wife I should bring him food....all.the.damn.time!).  

But we're a bickering family.  Some people would hightail it out of my house around the holidays because quite frankly I can't remember a single one where my mother doesn't get stressed and snap at me and my grandmama, which leads to my grandmama pouting and me spouting off about how being a witch really isn't appropriate at Christmas, and that I think she's confusing holidays.  Our house is never a serene tranquil place at either Thanksgiving or Christmas....until the food's done.  Once everything is cooked and my mother can relax we have a huge meal, we sit around the table either chatting animatedly or playing some cards.  We eat pie and have coffee.  It's calm (well as calm as my house ever gets), and we all enjoy ourselves.  

I used to worry that G would freak out, that he would sit petrified as he witnessed all this (because it doesn't have to be a holiday meal to be that crazy, lemme tell ya!).  But he either sits and converses with my Grandmama or brothers, or he jumps right in the fray.  But then again, he's never seen my parents house at Christmas.....so this year should be pretty enlightening!

Reality

Buyer's remorse is common with homeowners.  And while I have basically kept most of my anxiety off of here, I feel that isn't being as honest as I like to be.  Well, last night I had a break down and cried and begged G to get us out of this, to sell the house, anything.  This isn't the first time I have panicked about this house.  I wanted to sell it back from day one, I wanted out of the contract right after it was signed.


It's not a bad house.  In fact, all we've heard from people who have seen it is how nice it is. The neighbor even mentioned it while poking her head out.  But the reality is that there are little things that aren't perfect, and I get disappointed and upset easily.  The renovator's did a beautiful job in some areas (and worked miracles in a lot of it----the seller was kind enough to show us the befores....eeek!).  But in some places it was done quickly and sloppily and it just annoys the shit out of me.


But realistically we obviously cannot sell it.  And while I feel panicky and desperate and have told G it just doesn't feel like home, it's always better during the day time for me.  So I am here, in this house, breathing in and out.  And doing what the woman in Under The Tuscan Sun does and slowly introducing myself to the house.  Baby steps people, baby steps.  


The reality is (and this is what I try and keep reminding myself) is that I will probably come to love this house.....right before we have to sell it.  We're a military family.  We want to move overseas again at some point (I'm really hoping for Belgium or Italy myself), and we also wouldn't mind moving to the base that's less than 2 hours from our families either.  G likes his job here, and we could be here a little while, but we were never planning on making this our forever home.  I hope someday to find that place, but it won't be anytime so soon.  He still has 16 years until he can retire!


Has anyone else ever bought a home and panicked?  I've been told this is fairly common.  

Second Night

Well, it's been a whirlwind!  Found out yesterday that we didn't have a phone line.  They were supposed to turn the phone on yesterday.  However, because the person didn't check the line before giving us a number and saying someone would come out to turn it on, they're doing all the work for free, saving us hundreds of dollars.  


And then today the project manager who was in charge of our home renovations noticed the water in the basement.  Had to call the plumber.  It also turned out to be something simple.  


The biggest adjustment has been the noises of the city.  For instance, I just had a firetruck with full lights and sirens go whirling past my house.  Good thing I'm a firefighter's daughter so it doesn't bug me, just makes me jump up and look out.  The rain here is loud.  That kept me up last night.  And I only ever got an hour of sleep at a time (no joke, I thought the clock was lying to me, and checked G's phone).  


But so far so good.  The furniture got moved in today.  One of the movers who was Russian  kept singing (quite beautifully actually) as he worked.  And he was cute.  So G has decided that perhaps he needs to speak with a Russian accent. :)


We have way too many things, especially kitchen items, and will get donating those once we've set the house up.  We met one of our next door neighbors, since she was home sick.  She saw the boxes getting moved in, so poked her head out to introduce herself.  I am definitely going to invite her over for coffee sometime.   


So here we are.  I have kitchen pans, but not sure where my utensils are.  We have saucers, but the plates are still buried in one of the boxes.  Oh, and grossness of the day?  The stupid Brit movers packed a grocery sack.....with 3 tomatoes in it.  Let's just say I nearly retched and leave it at that.  But otherwise it hasn't been too bad.  We've both had moments of buyer's remorse.  And this was never meant to be our forever home.  But we'll be trying to make it work in this city that everyone thinks we're crazy for living in!

We close on the house today.  No matter how many times I say that to myself it doesn't seem true.  Today.  After a month and a half of living in hotel rooms, of craziness of moving to a new state, and the even crazier idea of buying a house, we're moving into our first home.  Have I mentioned my husband plans to carry me across the threshold?  Because he's very adamant about this.


A new beginning, a new chapter, and in this life I mine I keep wanting to hurry, turn the page and see what happens, but not rush all at the same time.  I want to remember these moments, to have lived them well.  So I'm trying to remain calm, not get upset because it's supposed to rain all this weekend, so moving furniture in is going to about as much a blast as it was to move it out of our last home (read: none).  Except really, if you think about it, it was fun.  It's a story to tell, a moment to remember.  And I wouldn't give a second of any of this back.  

Time Flies

We close on the house in 2 days (fingers crossed).  I'm anxious as all get out because it feels like there is still so much left to do!  Today I am just going to try and breathe and let G deal with everything, because if I try to help I might have a break down.  


It seems like just the other day we were getting into the US from England.  Wow.  It's been over 2 months now.  And there is good, and there is bad.  It's been an adjustment.  We took a leap of faith and jumped into the housing market, not blindly (we did do almost a year of research on buying a home, and eventually our particular possible markets), but kind of crazily.  We still feel a little overwhelmed, worried something is going to go wrong because holy crap we're still young, what on earth are we thinking?!?  And then I breathe and realize that this will work out.  We will be fine.  I just need to take a deep breath and trust, in me, in G, in this life.


And once we get moved into the house I'm going to be in my own personal bootcamp.  I'm going to be making our house a home, but also making me different.  I plan on starting the 30 Day Shred (let me know if you've tried it and what you've thought!).  I want to tone my arms up.  I will also be getting back into a stretching and warm up routine that will limber me back up.  I used to be crazy flexible just a few years ago, but stopped my stretching and can feel a difference.  And with the hardwood floors in our house I can also break out my old ballet shoes and get a cardio and stretching workout in when I feel the need to dance.  Which I am sure will be often, since I have never been one to turn down twirling around.....I've even done it in our tiny hotel room.  


I will also be getting my eating back on track.  Not that I've been eating crazy unhealthy, but damn are the portion sizes here overwhelming.  I've been grateful to small, local restaurants that serve normal portions.  But I will be stepping it up since it's soup season, and my pots and pans and all my knives and such will be here on Friday!!!  We will also be exploring what seafood is really available around here (other than the obvious crab).  


Change is in the air.  Our life here in the US is beginning (fact, G and I got married, honeymooned, he lived with me at my parents house for about a week and then moved to England without me for 2 months....so we've never technically lived together here in the US!).  Opportunities have been made to us, and we both feel like we're on the edge of a cliff just waiting to jump and fly.  But that also means it's time I took me seriously, time I gave myself a chance.


Because once I started losing the weight, it was weird.  People noticed, I felt subconscious since it was often brought up, and I almost wanted to crawl back into my overweight shell and hide.  It's comfortable there you know.  But then I thought, this is crazy!  If people are not okay with me losing weight, that's their own issues.  I cannot continue to let other people's issues affect me and my health.  I cannot stay overweight simply because it makes someone else feel more comfortable.  That doesn't work for me.


So here I am, changing before my own eyes.  It's a weird thing to look in the mirror and see a difference.  My boobs are smaller.  I mean, come on, they've never been affected no matter if my weight went up a lot or down a lot.  But now they are, and I really don't mind.  In fact if they want to slide down into the next size down I would be perfectly fine with that.  I don't notice the other changes as much until something stops fitting, or something that used to be tight is suddenly loose.  I've already spoken about not weighing myself.


I'm afraid.  I'm afraid of my past.  I'm afraid of what will happen as I go along, and of what will get said in the future.  But mostly I'm afraid of not trying.  Of my family history of heart disease causing me to have a heart attack at 40 (because let's face it, the eating disorder hasn't exactly been kind to my ticker).  I'm afraid of waking up one day and wondering why I wasn't brave enough for me, for my husband, for our future children.  


If anyone wants to join in to become healthier, in any way, whether it be weight loss, quitting smoking, working out, even needing to gain some weight and you want someone to cheer you on, let me know.  I've come to realize how important people being on your side is.  But mainly remember, you have to choose you, to be on your own side.  You are worth your future.  It's sounds crazy cheesy, but the reality is that life is too short to screw around with your health.  

Cheese-y Moments

If 2 years ago someone had told me I would be experimental in the kitchen and throwing things together without a recipe or even a real idea I would have laughed at them!  Now, I can be found happily tossing things together because hey, I have a decent palate, and I know what we will think tastes good.  So when we got the munchies today (as in, we are just kind of throwing together things to eat rather than meals, but don't worry, we still sit out butts at the table) and I realized our Brie might be going bad and holy crap was it 10 times more expensive here than it was in England so we cannot wait it, I decided to make a dip for our ciabatta bread (that we picked up from the cheap past date section of the commissary, and I can happily say days later is still perfectly fresh and tasty).  I took that little wedge of Brie and melted in in my saucepan (mainly because, well, let's be honest I was worried it was going bad, so I was killing off anything that might be on it) added some chopped up tomato and crushed garlic, then threw in some dried parsley and a tiny bit of cayenne just to be daring.  

It turned out amazing.  G nearly licked the bowl clean!  


Which leads me to what I need to admit.  I have a love/hate relationship with brie.  I always, always, think it tastes horrible with my first bite.  But by the third I am fighting G, throwing in my elbows and occasionally biting to get the rest of it!  It's just one of those foods that takes a few bites to adjust to.  Kind of like cardamom, but that's for another day.  So please, if you've told yourself you just don't like Brie, please give it a chance.  If the rind is too much for you, be shocking and cut it off!  And remember to leave it our for an hour or two before eating so it's soft and gooey.  


And as always, if you have some to-die-for brie recipes, let me know!  

Perfection

Yesterday was one of those days that was so beautiful you don't want it to end.  A day when you feel like God was smiling, and things fell into place for a reason.  A day to celebrate and twirl on the sidewalk, not caring who saw.  

G and I made the mistake of not doing enough when in England.  You know how it goes, you get busy, or you tell yourself you'll do it another time.  You tell yourself it costs too much, but never save for the type of adventures you may only have the chance at a few times.  So when we found out we were moving to Maryland, we decided to make plans, to see things, to live here, not just exist.  

So we've been exploring.  We've been here a little over a month, and while most of our exploring has been learning the area, drinking lots of coffee, and hitting up a market, we have bigger plans.  Oh yes, we do.  Like heading to D.C. sometime soon to hit up the monuments and museums.  We also want to take the train to NY and see the city.  I've never been, for reasons that are too hard to explain right now without wasting time.  Oh yes, there is much we want to do.

But today we woke up late, really late.  G got up and showered and then came back to bed and snuggled down with me, quietly tapping away at the computer, making plans.  So when I awoke, we got ready and headed to The Baltimore Museum of Art.  We walked around that place for a couple hours, taking in paintings, hitting up the Edgar Allan Poe exhibit.  We took the time to read the descriptions, I pointed things out to Garret, made him look deeper at some sculptures.  

And for dinner we went to a restaurant another blogger, Mercedes over at Desert Candy, had gone to recently called Helmand.  It's an Afghan restaurant, and it was by far the best meal we've had since coming home to the US.  We took a couple hours and just relaxed, conversed, and laughed, something I will admit has been missing lately as we deal with all the things to do with a new job and buying a home.  We would have taken longer there, but they are definitely a well oiled machine!  Our cooked appetizers came out nearly as soon as we ordered, even though it was a packed house, so who knows how they managed this magical feat? (I'm assuming they have a bunch of house elves in there!)

The restaurant was packed, which surprised me with it being a Sunday night.  The lighting was perfect, warm, intimate, but not dark.  We tried foods we had never heard of, and fell in love.  As we drank down a bottle of Pinot Noir, we ate fried eggplant and ravioli stuffed with leeks.  G had a salad of kidney beans, chickpeas, tomato and red potato with cilantro sauce that was enough to send me to ecstasy, it was that good. (we plan on making it at home sometime soon)  

G's main was lamb and mushrooms in a tomato sauce with challow (basmati rice with cumin) and spinach on the side with a hint of cinnamon.  I had a salad with red pepper, tomato, cucumber, blacked corn, and tenderloin steak that melted in my mouth (which caused quite the debate since G's lamb was melt in your mouth delish too, and we couldn't decide which was better).  

For dessert I chose a vanilla and cardamom ice cream with figs, dates, and mango.  G chose a paneer (homemade cheese) dish that had pomegranate syrup and raisins, and the texture was so amazing I've already looked up a recipe!

Afterwards we sang our little hearts out in the car on the way home.  We felt alive, invigorated, recharged.  And the best part?  Today is Columbus Day and so I have G all to myself again.  It will be a slower day, but I hope no less perfect.  

Candlelight

G and I are closing on our house on Thursday morning.  It's going to be a whirlwind, we head to the house after closing to meet with ADT who will be installing a slightly upgraded security system.  Then Friday we will have the movers with our things from England coming and unloading.  Oooh, a weekend of unpacking and slowly making our house our home!  


But Thursday night it will be me, G and takeout (no pots, pans, plates or utensils).  We do have enough things to make some stovetop coffee, so I am sure that will be part of the plan.  But mainly, we'll hang out.  And the first thing we're placing in our home is this:

It's a stainless steel serving platter from the kitchen area of Target.  What are we doing with it?  Placing it in our fireplace, which is non-functional (the second story floor actually blocks the chimney, so it won't even affect our heating bill).  I figure this tray, and some white pillar candles are just what we need for our first night in our house!

Did I mention that G and I, who have never painted before, plan on maybe trying to paint a room this next weekend?  We're going to be new homeowners, and a tad bit giddy!

Phenomenal Woman

This is one of my favorite poems by Maya Angleou.  It always leaves me feeling empowered. I am strong because I am a woman, not despite.  I am feminine, and I find strength in that fact.  I am a feminist, in the sense that I demand respect because I am a woman, and my gender has been helping the world go round nearly as long as men (Adam beats Eve by like a millisecond).  

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them

They think I'm telling lies.

I say, 

It's in the reach of my arms, 

The span of my hips, 

The stride of my step, 

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please, 

And to a man, 

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say, 

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth, 

The swing in my waist, 

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.  

When I try to show them,

They say they still can't see. 

I say

It's in the arch of my back, 

The sun of my smile, 

The ride of my breasts,  

The grace of my style. 

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me in passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say, 

It's in the click of my heels, 

The bend of my hair, 

The palm of my hand, 

The need of my care, 

Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman, 

That's me.

I'm so very blessed that I have a husband who has chosen to be a gentleman in our life.  He walks on the outside of the sidewalk.  He holds the door for me, other women, and the elderly.  He opens my car door.  Not because I am weak or cannot do these things for myself, but because I am a woman, and he respects that.  A man stands when a woman walks in the room not because she is weak, but to show her reverence.  To show that he respects that she is taking her time and choosing to spend it with him.  I wear skirts and dresses, because it tends to remind the men around me that I am a woman, and I deserve a little bit of respect for that fact.  And for women who say men are not like that, I say to you that the other day I had a construction worker (insert stereotype) who held the door for me and when I said thank you, responded with a "you're welcome."  Allow the men in your life the chance to step up, and see what happens.  

I am a phenomenal woman.  And so are each of you.  Show it.  Embrace it.